Welcome, ‏to Friday August 6th.  WOMAN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK……….

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. 
 
If they can put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all there.

Tell him you’re not his type – you have a pulse.

Never let your man’s mind wander – its too little to be left out alone.

Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.

Never marry a man for money. You’ll have to earn every penny.

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him check books. 
  
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his. When he asks you if he’s your first tell him, “You may be, you look familiar.” 
  
Hey I’m just saying! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  
 
Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y

“Scientists are saying that the triceratops may never have existed. Next will be the brontosaurus and the stegosaurus and the next thing you know, my pajamas are covered in lies.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“Towns in New Jersey have started using a device to give people advanced warning of lightning. It’s called ‘thunder.'” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“It’s ‘Shark Week’ on the Discovery Channel. Every year, my kids and I dress up in our shark costumes and go trick-or-treating for fish guts.” -Jimmy Kimmel
 
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, “you gave me too much
money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.” The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.  Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s. 

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “Relax, Robot. I’m going to build you a new body. Mom always said I should make new friends.”

Answer:  Lost in Space! The movie “Lost in Space” is based on the ’60s TV show of the same name. The voice of the robot who famously exclaims “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!” is the same in the movie as the original on the TV show. The voice actor is Dick Tufeld. When Will tells the robot that he will build him a new body all the robot can do is laugh. The movie “Lost in Space” focuses on the space-traveling Robinson family and their attempts to find their way home. 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “No, I am your father”.  

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “You dedicated, you took the time, it wasn’t long till I called you mine” 
ANSWER:  “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson! “Since U Been Gone” is one of my favorite songs right now. It is an awesome song, the second single off of Kelly Clarkson’s second album, “Breakaway”.  
Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “You can dress me up in diamonds, you can dress me up in dirt, you can throw me like a lineman, I like it better when it hurts” 

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..   

In the four sentences below, are two blanks. You must fill them in with words that are either anagrams, synonyms, antonyms, or homonyms. You can only use each of these one time each sentence. Can you figure out each word?

1. The murderer will ____ someone then he ____ them in his homemade coffins.

2. The pencil looked ____ in the ____ light.

3. The ____ novel seemed ____ with all of the descriptive words.

4. We came ____ to ____ the lions roar.

  Answer: 1. The murderer will SLAY someone, then he LAYS them in his homemade coffins. (Anagrams)

2. The pencil looked SHARP in the BRIGHT light. (Synonyms)

3. The FICTION novel seemed REAL with all of the descriptive words. (Antonym)

4. We came HERE to HEAR the lions roar. (Homonym)

Friday’s Quizzler is…  

Your task is to change ONE letter in each of the following eight words to discover a common theme.

LOIN
STEAL
BILLET
FRYING
CLANK
LINE
CAKE
STEED 

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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