Welcome, ‏to Monday August 30th,  Thoughts and stories from on the job……..

My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, “Is this what you get paid for ?” I told him, “Nope ! I do this for free.”

This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read “Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” I couldn’t resist and added a note: “And now you know why too”.

Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, “Yeah, how does this thing work ?” I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, “Any questions ?” She said, “Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from ?”

People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ??? When’s the last time ya ever heard of anyone who “rested to death”.

Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never anybody around to appreciate it.

Our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.

Did ya ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that they don’t have enuff time to do all their work.
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have a interesting Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  
Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

Marriage quotes…………

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx

We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. — H.L. Mencken

What’s new? Most of my wife.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. — Guitry

When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.

Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.
 
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.  Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.  “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.” 

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  ‘If I’m working late, you gotta work late! If you can’t work late, I can’t work late! If I can’t work late, I can’t work late.’ 

Answer: Scrooged! Frank Cross, played by Bill Murray, said this to his assistant at the beginning of the movie when she asked if she could go home early because it was Christmas Eve.
Another “Christmas Carol” type movie, but with Murray, it tends to be a comedy too.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  ‘Now, he said, Sic’em Boy. But what I heard was Chopper, sic balls.’ 

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I don’t need to be anything other than a prison guard’s son”

ANSWER:  Gavin Degraw! The song “I Don’t Wanna Be” was the first single off of Gavin Degraw’s 2003 album “Chariot”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it I don’t believe it makes me real”  

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Friday’s Quizzler is..  

In each list, there are parts of words jumbled around that form the names of popular television shows. Your job is to construct eight (8) complete 8-letter words from list A and B.

List A: ARDY, SEIN, MACG, MOKE, IVOR, ROSE, BAYW, SIDE

List B: FELD, GUNS, IRON, JEOP, SURV, YVER, ATCH, ANNE 

ANSWER: BAYWATCH, GUNSMOKE, IRONSIDE, JEOPARDY, MACGYVER, ROSEANNE, SEINFELD, SURVIVOR

Monday’s Quizzler is…  

 Given below are quotes by Indira Gandhi, former Prime Minister of India. Can you decipher them?

Zl tenaqsngure bapr gbyq zr gung gurer ner gjb xvaqf bs crbcyr: gubfr jub jbex naq gubfr jub gnxr gur perqvg. Ur gbyq zr gb gel gb or va gur svefg tebhc; gurer jnf yrff pbzcrgvgvba gurer.

Jr zhfg yrnea gb or fgvyy va gur zvqfg bs npgvivgl naq gb or ivoenagyl nyvir va ercbfr.

Lbh pnaabg funxr unaqf jvgu n pyrapurq svfg.
 

 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT JOB BANKS AND JAZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!         

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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