Welcome, ‏to Tuesday August 31st, ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS:

ON A HAIRDRYER: *Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITOS: *You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: *Directions: Use like regular soap.

FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION: *Defrost.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX: *Fits one head.

ON TESCO’S TIRAMISU DESERT: *Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: *Product will be hot after heating.

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: *Do not iron clothes on body.

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE: *Do not drive car or operate machinery.

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID): *Warning: May cause drowsiness.

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: *Warning: Keep out of children.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: *For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: *Not to be used for the other use.

ON SAINSBURY’S PEANUTS: *Warning: contains nuts.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: *Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW: *Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
   
Hey I’m just saying! Have an incredible Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  

Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

 “Your hair may be brushed, but your mind’s untidy. You’ve
had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder
you feel that lost sensation. You’re sunk from a riot of
relaxation.” –Ogden Nash 
 
“A new study shows that large doses of Vitamin E do not
protect against heart attacks and cancer, and might
actually raise the risk of heart failure. The study was
published in this month’s Journal of Things that Scientists
Told You to Do Last Month That Turned Out to Be Harmful
This Month.” –Dennis Miller 
 
“There exists a widespread myth that humans should learn
about sex from their parents. My relationship with my father
nearly ended when he tried to teach me how to drive. I can’t
imagine our relationship having survived his instructing me
how to have sex.” –Bob Smith 
  
 G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

 Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously. “Can I talk to a real person?” a caller asked. “I am real,” I said. “Oh, I’m sorry,” the caller said. “That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?”  

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘Now, he said, Sic’em Boy. But what I heard was Chopper, sic balls.’  

Answer:  Stand By Me! The Writer said this during the junkyard scene, when the owner of the junkyard sicked his dog on the boys. For once the young boys prevailed over the older boys in this movie that brings Chris, Teddy and the writer closer together, where the boys come across a body.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “You’re the best Old Man. You should be free.”   

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it I don’t believe it makes me real”    

ANSWER: Chuck! That lyric is from the song “Pieces” from Sum 41’s fourth album, “Chuck” (2004). This album is named after the man who saved the band’s life when they were caught in a crossfire. 

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “You’re more than beautiful and I just wanna let you know that all I ever need is what I’ve got with you”?

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Monday’s Quizzler is..   

Given below are quotes by Indira Gandhi, former Prime Minister of India. Can you decipher them?

Zl tenaqsngure bapr gbyq zr gung gurer ner gjb xvaqf bs crbcyr: gubfr jub jbex naq gubfr jub gnxr gur perqvg. Ur gbyq zr gb gel gb or va gur svefg tebhc; gurer jnf yrff pbzcrgvgvba gurer.

Jr zhfg yrnea gb or fgvyy va gur zvqfg bs npgvivgl naq gb or ivoenagyl nyvir va ercbfr.

Lbh pnaabg funxr unaqf jvgu n pyrapurq svfg. 

  
ANSWER:  My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was less competition there.  We must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose.  You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. 
A N, B O, C P, D Q, E R, F S, G T, H U, I V, J W, K X, L Y, M Z, N A, O B, P C, Q D, R E, S F, T G, U H, V I, W J, X K, Y L, Z M

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…  

What common phrase does this complicated sentence represent?

4:37 PM is derived from the crucial element.   

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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