Welcome, ‏to Monday September 27, 2010.  The top ten signs that your co-worker is a computer hacker10.
 
You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.

9. He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeez” 95 times during the movie “The Net”

4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.

3. Video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons

2. When his computer starts up, you hear, “Good Morning, Mr. President.”

1. You hear him murmur, “Let’s see you use that Visa card now, jerk.”  
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have an eye opening Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f   t h e   d a y 

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did.  Bette Davis 

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean. Mark Twain 

California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.  Fred Allen 

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.  P. J. O’Rourke 

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.  Steven Wright 

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.  Steven Wright 

Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day. Jay Leno 

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns 

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. Robert Benchley 

Electricity is really just organized lightning.  George Carlin

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. Josh Billings

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.”
“Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How in hell does that fit in here?” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, “How did this place get a name like ‘Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?'” The old man answers, “Is name of owner.” The tourist asks, “Well, who and where is the owner?” “Me…is right here,” replies the old man. “You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?” “Is simple,” says the old man. “Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, ‘What your name?’ He say,’Hans Olaffsen.’ Then she look at me and go, ‘What your name?'” “I say Sem Ting.”  

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I know the Presidents’ Chief Advisor, we were at MIT together. And, at this point in time, you really don’t want to take advice from a man who got a ‘C minus’ in astrophysics.”  

Answer: Armageddon! A “global-killer” asteroid the size of Texas is on a collision course with Earth. Their only hope is a bunch of oddballs that happen to be the best deep-core drillers in the world. I HATE it when that happens! Jason Isaacs as Dr. Ronald Quincy, explaining to Keith David’s Lt. General Kimsey that the only way to blow up the asteroid is to drill into it and get the explosives inside. General Kimsey quotes the President’s Chief Advisor, who claims that a nuclear explosion on the surface of the asteroid will solve the problem. Dr. Quincy puts him in his place.
It’s hard to believe that is Lucius Malfoy from the Harry Potter movies sitting at that table, isn’t it? 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “We’re going to give you a fair trial, followed by a first-class hangin'”

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Do You Want To”

ANSWER: Franz Ferdinand! It’s their first single in the UK from their debut album’s follow-up, “You Could Have It So Much Better”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Always be talking that country slang we like”?

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Friday’s Quizzler is..  

What’s wrong with these people?

Bob stands outside when it rains, touching a tree and getting soaked from above.

Jim stands out when it snows, rubbing a rock and getting frozen from above.

Jill stands out in hailstorms, stroking a stone and getting pelted from above.

Sally stands out in gales, fondling a flower and getting blown and battered from above.  

 ANSWER: They’re all “feeling under the weather”.     

 Monday’s Quizzler is… 

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. Pliant _ _ _ _ _ E / _ _ _ _ _ Y Stash

2. Inundate _ _ _ _ G _ / _ _ _ _ X _ Elegant

3. Expenditure P _ _ _ _ _ / L _ _ _ _ _ Spread

4. Chevron _ _ _ _ P _ / _ _ _ _ K _ Hit
 

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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