Welcome, ‏to Monday November 1st, 2010. Miscellaneous terms……..

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MYTH: A female moth.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines. 

Hey I’m just saying! Welcome to Monday folks, whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!      

Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y !  

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C.

This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.

So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.

McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering

its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the

same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it?

A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits

in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security.

Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does

this work? What’s the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he’s got your gun too! 

According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take “a harder stance”

on the death penalty. What’s a harder stance on the death penalty? We’re already killing the

guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle

him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair. 

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this pointless information” “To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted. “It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school,” replied the professor. 

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? A: “You said you sold this.” B: “I did.” A: “Liar.” B: “Thief.” 

Answer: Ocean’s Eleven! This 2001 remake focused on a scheme devised by newly-released ex-con Danny Ocean (George Clooney) to rob three casinos owned by the man who is now seeing his ex-wife Tess (Julia Roberts). By film’s end, it’s clear that Danny was more interested in getting Tess back than getting rich. Earlier in the film, Tess tells Danny that she sold her wedding ring, but she is wearing it when she and Danny’s best friend Rusty (Brad Pitt) pick him up at the end of his prison sentence.   

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “And just like that…he’s gone.”

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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2007, try and identify which song or which artist.” “She’s, like, so whatever, you could do so much better” 

ANSWER: Girlfriend! “Girlfriend” was the first release off of Avril Lavigne’s album “The Best Darn Thing” and debuted on the American charts in March of 2007. It reached number one in its eighth week, dislodging “Give It To Me” on May 5th. The song was a worldwide hit reaching number one in Australia, Austria, Ireland, New Zealand and Sweden. It reached number two in the United Kingdom but, surprisingly, only hit number 12 in her home country of Canada. Similarities to the 1979 single “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” produced a lawsuit which was later settled. “Sk8er Boi” was a number ten hit in 2002 for Avril Lavigne. Pink took “U + Ur Hand” to number nine in 2007. “Valley Girl” was number 32 hit for Frank Zappa back in 1982. FUN FACT: “Girlfriend” was the first video to pass the one hundred million times viewed mark on Youtube.    

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2007 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I don’t gotta rap, I can sell a mil’ sayin’ nothing on the track”

TODAY’S CRAZY SONG DIVIA AWARD GOES TO MC. CARRIE PALOMBO! GREAT JOB CARRIE!
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Friday’s Quizzler is..  

This teaser is split into two sections. The first part requires you to take the letters “ST” and add a word to make a two-word phrase. Example: “A Drink Past Its Sell-By Date” would be “Stale Ale.” You start with “ST” and add the word “ale.”
1. Remaining Unwell
2. An Odd Group of Mountains
3. Hide the Signs of Fire

The second part requires you to do nearly the opposite. Create a two-word phrase by using the same word and adding a “P” to the end. Example: “Backstroked Through the Marsh” would be “Swam Swamp.” You start with the word “Swam” and add the letter “P.”
4. An Incline for Sheep
5. Once an Insect
6. Tenement Deterioration

ANSWER: 1. Still Ill, 2. Strange Range, 3. Stash Ash
4. Ram Ramp, 5. Was Wasp, 6. Slum Slump  

Monday’s Quizzler is… 

Each of the clues below describe a 70’s American TV show. Can you name each show?

1. Ruffles, Pringles, Frito-Lays
2. 911 !
3. The aeronautically capable, habit wearing female (3)
4. A four wheeled vehicle, driven by a person whose job it is to take passengers and their luggage where they want to go in exchange for a fee
5. More than seven, nine is too much (3)
6. Small abode on the treeless tract of land (5)
7. Mixture of the sodium salts of various fatty acids of natural oils and fats 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5 FOR SOLVING TODAY QUIZZLER! BRILLIANT JOB JAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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