WELCOME to Monday, December 13, 2010. The First Parent by Bill Cosby….

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”, Adam replied.

“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.”

“Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?”

“It’s over there,” said God, wondering why He hadn’t stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.

“Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit?” the First Parent asked.

“Uh huh,” Adam replied.

“Then why did you?”

“I dunno,” Adam answered.

God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Monday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza!

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you’re not the best, so you should work a little harder.

I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, “I’d like some fries.” The girl at the counter said, “Would you like some fries with that?”

If God doesn’t destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

If you don’t want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good ‘ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
Jay Leno

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes.

Things Mom Would Never Say…..

“How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”

“Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too”

“Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery”

“Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week”

“Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day”

“Well, if Timmy’s mom says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”

“The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”

“I don’t have a tissue with me … just use your sleeve”

“Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve

________________________________________________________

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘You wanna be worshipped? Go to India and moo.’

Answer:Quiz Show! Herb Stempel (John Turturro) makes this rather rude comment to his wife Toby (Johann Carlo) when she suggests that he should worship her for all the things she does for him.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????’You know what this is? It’s the smallest violin in the world, playing *just* for the waitresses.’
_____________________________________________________________

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “This club has got to be the most pretentious thing since I thought you and me”

ANSWER: Paralyzer! “Paralyzer” spent one week at number six on Billboard’s Hot 100 singles chart on January 5th, 2008 in its 29th week on the chart. The song remained on the chart for 50 weeks, 31 weeks in the top 40 and eight weeks within the top ten. Finger Eleven, a Canadian alternative rock band, first found success on the U.S. charts with their 2003 song “One Thing” which peaked at number 16. Their resurgence took place when “Paralyzer” stormed up the Mainstream and Modern Rock charts in August of 2007 and hit number one. The song has also fared well in other countries, reaching the top 15 in Canada, New Zealand and Australia.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008 try and identify which song or which artist.” “But my breath fogged up the glass, and so I drew a new face and I laughed”
_____________________________________________________________

Friday’s Quizzler is..

In this teaser, I will give you a list of clues and the answer, with all the letters, but the word year, missing. Your job is to figure out what to add to the word year to get the answer to the clue.

Example: Reading Glasses = *Y**EAR
Answer: EYEWEAR

1. Word for word, without reading = *Y *EAR*
2. New York Birthplace of F.D.R. = *Y*E *AR*
3. Caveat Emptor = **YE* ***AR*
4. Person engaged in reverie = **Y**EA**R
5. Student at Harvard or Yale, e.g. = **Y *EA***R
6. Seafood restaurant = *Y**E* *AR
7. Old sage who doesn’t shave = ***Y*EAR*
8. Extra-powerful, souped up = *Y*E***AR***
9. Absolutely transparent = **Y**** **EAR
10. Place to drop off clothes = **Y **EA**R
11. Jellystone resident = Y*** *EAR
12. Headache remedy since 1899 = **YE* A***R**

ANSWER: 1. BY HEART, 2. HYDE PARK , 3. BUYER BEWARE, 4. DAYDREAMER, 5. IVY LEAGUER,
6. OYSTER BAR, 7. GREYBEARD or GRAYBEARD, 8. HYPERCHARGED, 9. CRYSTAL CLEAR
10. DRY CLEANER, 11. YOGI BEAR, 12. BAYER ASPIRIN

Monday’s Quizzler is…

I had a lot of fun putting together the following list of words. Can you figure out the rule I used to develop the list? Once you do, have fun creating your own list!

mount, right, left, roll, mote, lick,
lass, over, rate, aunt, rill, arch,
oral, ever, pine, rice, tip, each,
team, rash, sage, ouch, edge, ray,
earn, any

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5 FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! GREAT JOB JAZZZZZZZ!

_________________________________________________________________________________

 Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/