WELCOME to Monday, December 20, 2010. Question and Answer Christmas Jokes…..

Q: What do elves learn in school?

A: The Elf-abet!

Q: What’s the most popular wine at Christmas?

A: “I don’t like sprouts” !

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

A: Missletoe!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?

A: The North Poll.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

A: Ribbon hood.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?

A: Because it’s to far to walk.

Q: What was wrong with the boy’s brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?

A: Forty feet of track – all straight!

Q: What kind of bird can write?

A: A PENguin.

Q: How does Al Gore’s household keep Christmas politically correct?

A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?

A: Sandy Claus!

Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

A: Fleece Navidad!

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?

A: North Polish.

Q: Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage?

A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Monday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

I’d rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a plane built by the post office.

Time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing.

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. — Thomas Jones

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives. — Abba Eban

Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.

Power means not having to respond.

I’d rather be pissed off than pissed on.

The future isn’t what it used to be.

You got to be careful if you dont know where your’e going, because you might not get there. — Yogi Berra

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes.

With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it is also okay. Then he says, “Santa, lets take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good I’ll certify you to fly.” Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he’s starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. “Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?” Santa yells. The inspector says, “Well, Santa, I’m really not supposed to tell you this, but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff.” _______________________________________________________

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘There are two hundred and fifteen bones in the human body. That’s *one*.’

Answer: Terminator 2: Judgment Day! Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) talks as tough as she acts, after breaking the arm of her psychiatrist, Dr. Silberman (Earl Boen). Unfortunately, her (or, to be fair, writer-director James Cameron’s) knowledge of anatomy is a little off: there are actually 206 bones in the human body, not 215. Oops.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘I hate you more! If hate were people…I’d be China!’
_____________________________________________________________

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing”

Answer: Bleeding Love! “Bleeding Love” debuted at number 85 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart of March 1st, 2009. Six weeks later, it zoomed to number one and spent a total of four non-consecutive weeks there. It remained in the top ten for twenty weeks, the top 40 for 33 weeks and a total of 39 weeks on the Hot 100. The song found its way to number one on Billboard’s Hot Adult Contemporary Tracks Chart and sold over 3 million digital downloads in the United States alone. In Billboard’s yearend countdown, “Bleeding Love” was ranked number two and at the 51st Grammy Awards it was up for “Record of the Year”. Quite an impressive feat for her debut American hit!

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Shawty had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur”
_____________________________________________________________

Friday’s Quizzler is..

Delete a letter from the words below and then add a 3-letter word to it (doesn’t matter where) to form a new word that matches each clue in the ( ).

1. Cart (a vegetable)
2. Fling (a sport since the stone age)
3. Kits (cute and adorable when little)
4. Surf (you are doing one right now)
5. Gum (a place to talk about stuff)

ANSWER: 1. Carrot (delete ‘t’ and add ‘rot’)
2. Bowling (delete ‘f’ and add ‘bow’)
3. Kitten (delete ‘s’ and add ‘ten’)
4. Teaser (delete ‘f’ and add ‘tea’)
5. Forum (delete ‘g’ and add ‘for’)

Friday’s Quizzler is…  

Can you uncover what each group of three has in common?

1. doughnut
notebook
golf course

2. turtle
peanut
oyster

3. brown
polar
Kodiak

4. cough
tear
rain

5. soap
granola
candy

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND SWEETJAZZ5 FOR SOLVING THE QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! GREAT JOB LADIES!

_________________________________________________________________________________

Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/