WELCOME to Monday, December 27, 2010. Bumper Stickers….

My karma ran over your dogma.

I brake for… wait… AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!

A fool and his money are a girl’s best friend.

I’m not driving fast-just flying low.

Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.

My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

“I is a college student.”

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Gravity- It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW!

Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Life is too complicated in the morning.

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

Nobody’s perfect. I’m a Nobody.

My wife said “If you go hunting or fishing one more time I’m going to leave you” …I’m sure going to miss her.

Ask me about my vow of silence.

Today’s subliminal message is: ( )

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Monday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

All generalizations are bad. R.H. Grenier

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin

The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away. Tom Waits, Small Change

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. Attributed to both Jason Hutchison and John Benfield

After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. P.J. O’Rourke

How come there’s only one Monopolies Commission? Nigel Rees

If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.” Robert Brault.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Elayne Boosler

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes.

M&M’s: The Theory of Evolution. Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘Of course you’re confused — you’re wearing my underwear.’

Answer: Just One of the Guys! Terry (Joyce Hyser) has embarked upon a mission to pass herself off as a boy at a new school in order to write an award-winning article. This line, spoken by her brother Buddy (Billy Jayne) addresses Terry’s general confusion after she falls in love with a boy at said school.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘If you overcook it, it’s no good. It defeats its own purpose.’
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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” 100 – “(You) You say I’m crazy, (You) I got you crazy, (You) You’re nothing but a (You) womanizer”

Answer: “Womanizer” – Britney Spears! “Womanizer” by Britney Spears is on her sixth studio album “Circus”. The song was released to the United States on September 26, 2008.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Mistakes we have made everything will change but love remains the same”
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Friday’s Quizzler is..

Can you find 13 animals in this rather curious poem?

A person, as simple we are.
Catch the kid o’er the bridge.
Follow the chief, oxtail soup we like.
Anagram ANPI gives us PAIN, cower under a ridge.

ANSWER: Ape, ass, ewe, cat, kid, doe, fox, ox, nag, man, pig, cow, ram.

Monday’s Quizzler is…  

A Group:
ENAN
HIRS
OILE
AUGH

B Group:
RALE
MAER
TAOO
MIEN

According to the logic, correctly sort ARGE, KELE, and URRE.

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/