WELCOME to Tuesday, December 28, 2010. HEY….

Hey, since we’re now living in the time of e-mail (and blogs and texts and Tweets) and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson. So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen’s Engerlish:

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat).

6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.

11. Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

14. One should never generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Don’t use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.

27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.

34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

“A new study found that women’s faces age and wrinkle just like their mothers. The study was conducted by the American
Society of Wrong Things to Say to Your Wife.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Archeologists in Egypt now say it’s not true that the pyramids were built by slaves. They say the pyramids were built by paid workers. You know how they financed it? A pyramid scheme.” -Jay Leno

“Some scholars of ancient Hebrew are now suggesting that
certain portions of the Bible could have been written centuries earlier than others. The scholars say they know this because the newer portions all begin, ‘Previously, on ‘The Bible.'” -Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes.

Tarzan and Jane were expecting their fourth child and were pretty strapped for cash, so Tarzan decided to go into the used-crocodile business. Monday morning he got up early, shaved, put on his best loin cloth, swung down to the river, and spent the whole day fighting, haggling over and hassling with cranky crocs. As dusk fell, a wan Tarzan swung back to the treehouse and demanded, “Quick, Jane, a martini!” Tossing it back he barked, “Another, Jane, on the double!” Gulping it down, he held out his glass again. “One more, Jane.” “Aw, honey, don’t you think you’re overdoing it a bit?” she chided gently. “You don’t understand, Jane… it’s a jungle out there.” _______________________________________________________

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘If you overcook it, it’s no good. It defeats its own purpose.’

Answer: Just One of the Guys! Terry (Joyce Hyser) has embarked upon a mission to pass herself off as a boy at a new school in order to write an award-winning article. This line, spoken by her brother Buddy (Billy Jayne) addresses Terry’s general confusion after she falls in love with a boy at said school.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘Great. I’m about to be killed a million miles from nowhere with some gung-ho iguana who tells me to relax!’
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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Mistakes we have made everything will change but love remains the same”

Answer: “Love Remains The Same” – Gavin Rossdale. The song “Love Remains the Same” is from his 2008 album “Wanderlust”. This song was released on May 1, 2008.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008 try and identify which song or which artist.” “If I were a boy, even just for a day, I’d roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go”
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Monday’s Quizzler is..

A Group: ENAN, HIRS, OILE, AUGH

B Group: RALE, MAER, TAOO, MIEN

According to the logic, correctly sort ARGE, KELE, and URRE.

ANSWER: ARGE and URRE go in the A Group, while KELE goes in the B Group.

Add a T to the beginning and the end of the A Group to get:
TENANT, THIRST, TOILET, TAUGHT, TEAPOT, TARGET, TURRET

Put two T’s in the dead center of the B Group to get:
RATTLE, MATTER, TATTOO, MITTEN, KETTLE

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…  

What do these groups of words have in common?

1. Man true, hairy
2. Son nick, yard rich
3. Son will, row wood
4. Grant, us list you
5. More fill, lard mill
6. Ding hard, wren war

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Answers in WEDESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/