WELCOME to Tuesday, February 1, 2010. Resume Bloopers…..

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.

3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

6. Its best for employers that I not work with people.

7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.

8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.

13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs… Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

21. Note: Please don’t miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

22. Marital status: often. Children: various.

23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.

26. References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP!

Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“In Japan, they have developed a new green machine that
turns regular paper into toilet paper. Kind of like what
Wall Street did with the dollar.” -Jay Leno

“Don’t think of me as a talk show host, think of me as a
good friend whose phone number none of you have.”
-Jimmy Kimmel

“A Chicago court ruled that Rahm Emanuel can’t run for mayor
in Chicago. But according to Chicago law, Emanuel can still
purchase the position.” -Conan O’Brien

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is
under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.'” “See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot
him.” She wasn’t selected for the jury.
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘It’s the truth that you should never trust anybody who wears a bow tie. Cravats are supposed to point down to accentuate the genitals. Why’d you wanna trust somebody whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?’

Answer: State and Main

Spoken by the character Doc Wilson who is always dispensing shaky medical advice to the townspeople. This movie also stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman, William H. Macey, Alec Baldwin, Julia Stiles, and Sarah Jessica Parker

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘Well, whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful, it all makes sense doesn’t it, in your head. You never meet anybody that thinks they’re a bad person.’
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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist. ”“I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me, I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break, I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough, I try as hard as I can.”

Answer: Kasey Chambers

From “Not Pretty Enough.” This Australian singer didn’t get very far with this song.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist.“Chill out, whatcha yelling for? Lay back, it’s all been done before, and if you could only let it be, you will see I like you the way you are when we’re driving in your car, and you’re talking to me one-on-one.”

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Monday’s Quizzler is..

Below are incomplete words. Replace the letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.

Ke ( _ _ ) ergy
Ena ( _ _ _ ) ak
Bl ( _ _ _ ) ied
Ka ( _ _ _ _ ) d
Ke ( _ _ ) icure
Por ( _ _ _ _ _ ) or
Ma ( _ _ _ ) dan
Cli ( _ _ _ ) ity

ANSWER: Keen Energy, Enable Bleak, Blunt Untied, Karate Rated
Keep Epicure, Portrait Traitor, Major Jordan, Client Entity

Tuesday’s Quizzler is… 

This list of words reveals a person. Can you figure out who it is?

Ptarmigan
Aisle
Dossier
Depot
Column
Lime
February 

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Answers in WEDNESDAY Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/