WELCOME to Monday, February 7, 2010. Marriage Quotes….

All marriages are happy–it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems.

Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control.

Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn’t agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don’t love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions.

It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing.

May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.

May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.

May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.

Sign in a marriage counselor’s window: “Out to lunch – Think it over.”

The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.

There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards – only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course. — Encyclopaedia Apocryphia. Hey I’m just saying!  Have an interesting Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Steven Wright……

I wrote a few children’s books… Not on purpose.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

I installed a skylight in my apartment…. The people who live above me are furious!

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store… With a pricing gun… She said, “Give me all of the money in the vault, or I’m marking down everything in the store.”

While I was gone, somebody rearranged all the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in *exactly* the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: “Do I know you?”

In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.”

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I’d be the only one who knew. People come over and I’m gonna say, “Go ahead, touch it… It feels real.”

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above… So I never have to go upstairs.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp. 
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?Hal Hartley film. Ned: ‘What is this thing?’ Bill: ‘That’s the blessed Virgin, Ned.’ Ned: ‘She’s pretty, huh?’ Bill: ‘Not only is she pretty, but she’s got a nice personality, and she’s the mother of God.’ 

Answer: ‘Simple Men’
Directed by Hal Hartley, it was a PBS American Playhouse coproduction. Hal Hartley often casts the same actors, such as Bill Sage, Martin Donovan, and Parker Posey.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘One day I heard the sound of a woman singing. She must not have understood that someone might hear her. I thought of mermaids…’
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Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“The waves keep on crashing on me for some reason, but your love keeps on coming like a thunderbolt. Come here a little closer, ’cause I want to see you, baby, real close up.”  

Answer: No Doubt
From “Hella Good”. Their first hit was “Spiderwebs”.

Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist.“I never win first place, don’t support the team, can’t take directions, and my socks are never clean. Teachers dated me, my parents hated me. I was always in a fight ’cause I can’t do nothing right.”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..

Your task here is to change one letter in each of the following words, in order to find six (6) words with a common theme.

FIG
MUST
HIND
SLOW
SMUG
MAIL

ANSWER: FIG –> FOG, MUST –> MIST, HIND –> WIND
SLOW –> SNOW, SMUG –> SMOG, MAIL –> HAIL
‘Weather conditions’ is the common theme.

Monday’s Quizzler is…  

What is represented by this rebus?

Fun: E Fun: E

1)This
2)Is
3)A
4)Rebus 

TODAY’S QUIZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5 AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! THREE DAYS IN A ROW! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB AGAIN LADIES!

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Answers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/