WELCOME to Tuesday, March 15, 2011. …Real Court Excerpts….

Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That’s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I’ll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So, you were gone until you returned?

You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary’s Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

God help me, I’ve entered the Age of Skirted Swimwear. This
is the age right after Accessorizing with Reading Glasses
and a few years before Can’t Name Anyone on the Radio.

Applicants for jobs at the company where my friend Diana
works are asked to fill out a questionnaire. Among the
things candidates list is their high school and when they
attended. One prospective employee dutifully wrote the name
of his high school, followed by the dates attended: Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

According to a new medical study, it’s healthy for a wife to
get angry at her husband than to keep it all inside which can
lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the
SUV, she’s just trying to live a healthier lifestyle.” 

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgement Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could. “Oh, my friends,” he intoned, “imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!” At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, “But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?” The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, “My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured… teeth will be provided!”
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘“Is your mom married to Mr. Rogers?” 

Answer: The Breakfast Club

John Bender asks Brian this while eating lunch.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Do we call you Nick, or Mr. Dick?”

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“You’re not sure that you love me, but you’re not sure enough to let me go”. 

Answer:The Wreckers

The Wreckers showed everyone they’re going to be a huge hit with their first release “Leave The Pieces”. It’s from their first album “Stand Still, Look Pretty”.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist. “Me and my heart, We got issues! Don’t know if I should hate you or miss you”.

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Monday’s Quizzler is..

How is failure represented in the rebus below?

Options:

A) Success
B) Victory
C) Triumph
D) Accomplishment

Answer: Failure is not an option

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

Below are incomplete words. Replace the letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.

Ri ( _ _ _ ) satile
Al ( _ _ _ ) oury
Mo ( _ _ _ ) ergo
Unaw ( _ _ _ ) na
A ( _ _ _ _ ) ounce
Fel ( _ _ _ ) ly 

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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/