WELCOME to Friday, September 16, 2011.  How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away…..

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?”

2. If you get one of those pushy people who won\’t shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you\’ll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card.

3. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I\’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died….” When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.

4. If the person says he\’s Joe Doe from the ABC Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary.

5. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Julie and I\’m with Dodger & Peck Services…. You: “Hang on a second.” (few seconds pause) “Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?”

6. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, “Julie!! Is this really you? I can\’t believe it! Julie, how have you BEEN?” Hopefully, this will give Julie a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

7. Say, “No,” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they\’re trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

8. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, “I don\’t have any friends…would you be my friend?”

9. If they clean rugs: “Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood – chicken blood too?”

10. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional “Uh-huh, really, or, “That’s fascinating.” Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn’t give your credit card number to someone who’s a complete stranger.

11. Tell them you work for the same company they work for.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have an incredible Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A lot of accidents are caused by bikers who don’t have a feel for the road, like the dentists and accountants that take Harleys out on the weekend.” -Craig Ferguson

“The World Economic Forum, which ranks economies, moved the United States down to 5th place. Switzerland came in 1st place. I guess those little army knives are selling like crazy.” -Jimmy Kimmel

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”.  “Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.  A clerk answers and Tom says “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?”  The clerk replies “Canned or frozen?”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘You break his heart again and I’ll kill you. Nothing personal.’Answer: ‘Clerks’

Randy said this to Caitlin before she was set to go on a date with Dante (a date which never happened for rather disturbing reasons).

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘You have a TV?’ ‘No, I just like to read the TV guide. You read the TV guide you don’t need a TV.’

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Dreams of ways to see you, I could close my eyes to see. I could fantasize about you, tell the world what I have seen.”Answer: Dirty Picture! Ke$ha joined with Taio Cruz to record “Dirty Picture”.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “You can see my heart beating, and you can see it through my hands. That I’m terrified but I’m not leaving.”

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