WELCOME to Thursday, October 5, 2011.  IDIOTS UNLEASED……

IDIOTS & RETAIL
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, “Really? Where is Monosyllabia?”. Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, “Oh, you mean over by Croatia?”

ADVICE FOR IDIOTS
An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: “Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.”

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

IDIOTS & COMPUTERS
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: “I’ve got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?”

IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

AN IDIOT’S IDIOT
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Elayne Boosler

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. George Ade

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. William Castle

If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me. Song title by Jimmy Buffet

Man was predestined to have free will. Hal Lee Luyah

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell. Aldous Huxley

Murphy was an optimist. O’Toole’s Commentary

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. Nicholas Chamfort

The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good. Robert Graves

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t. Douglas Adams

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.  So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.  The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”  They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.  The clergyman repeated the question. “Where is God?”  Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God!?” The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.  When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”  The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: “We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!” 

__________________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘Good…I’m looking for a job with the least amount of responsibility.’Answer: American Beauty.  Kevin Spacey at his interview at Mr. Smiley’s Burgers.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘Do you want to come over for a mineral water or something?’

_____________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “I lose my mind, because I’m bending over backwards to relate.”Answer: “In Too Deep”. “In Too Deep” is off Sum 41’s second CD “All Killer, No Filler”, their first CD was called “Half Hour of Power”.

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “The fish don’t fry in the kitchen.”

_________________________________________________________________