WELCOME to Friday October 12, 2012. Men vs. Women: How to Change Oil
WOMEN:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube or Valvoline Instant Oil Change when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee while they change the oil.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Cost: $29.99 oil change, $2.00 coffee. Total $32.00
MEN:
1. Wait until Saturday, drive to the auto parts store. Buy a case of oil, oil filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner (don’t forget a little tree air freshener). Write a check to the auto parts store for approximately $50.
2. Stop by 7/11 on the way home, buy a case of beer. Write a check for $20.00.
3. Drive home with oil and beer.
4. Open beer, enjoy it.
5. Spend 30 minutes looking for the jack stands.
6. Find the jack stands (finally) under the kid’s pedal car, jack the car up.
7. Open another beer, drink it.
8. Place drain pan under engine.
9. Look for 9/16″ box end wrench for drain plug
10. Give up looking ten minutes later, find crescent wrench.
11. Unscrew drain plug.
12. Drop drain plug into pan of hot oil. Splash hot oil onto your hands and face in the process. Cuss and swear.
13. Crawl out from under car, wipe hot oil from hands and face. Throw some kitty litter on the spilled oil.
14. Open another beer while watching the last drops of oil drain.
15. Spend 30 minutes looking for the oil filter wrench.
16. Give up looking for oil filter wrench, crawl under car and hammer a flat-head screwdriver through the oil filter and twist it off.
17. Crawl out from under car, splashing hot oil everywhere from newly made holes in oil filter.
18. Cleverly hide used oil filter in trash to avoid those pesky environmental penalties. Open another beer.
19. Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to the gasket.
20. Pour the first quart of new oil into engine.
21. Oops! Now remember the drain plug (removed in step 11). It’s still swimming in the now-warm oil in the drain pan.
22. Throw more kitty litter on the quart-sized oil puddle on the floor.
23. Open another beer and drink it.
24. Find drain plug with a minimum of spillage, hand-tighten in drain plug socket. Drink beer.
25. Crawl under car (getting oily kitty litter embedded in neck and arms). Tighten drain plug with crescent wrench, but this time, it’s slippery. Bang your knuckles on the frame while tightening drain plug.
26. Throw crescent wrench across the garage in anger. Throw a fit because crescent wrench hits bowling trophy (which wife wouldn’t let stay in the house).
27. Open another beer and drink it.
28. Clean hands, bandaging where needed to stop blood flow.
29. Pour in five quarts of fresh oil.
30. Lower car from jack stands. Smile at your handiwork. Open another beer and drink it.
31. Move car back to discover oil puddles you missed; apply more kitty litter to missed areas.
32. Test drive car to make sure oil doesn’t leak.
33. Get pulled over a block from the house by local police, get arrested for DUI.
34. Call loving wife and bail bondsman.
35. Next day, get car out of impound yard.
Cost: $50 parts, $20 beer, Impound fee $75, Bail $1500, DUI $2500 minimum. Total $4145 (but you know the job was done right!) Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Japanese researchers have successfully grown mouse eggs in a laboratory dish,
thus giving hope to millions of infertile mouse couples that hope to start a family.” -Jay Leno
“Facebook is adding a new thing, which is the ‘want’ button. I think Facebook
should stick to doing what they do best, which is letting you know that your friends
from high school got fat and bald.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Two ATMs here in New York were shut down for dispensing counterfeit money.
People were suspicious after one guy kept asking, ‘Hey, can you break a 23?'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A man was sitting next to me in one of the two “husband chairs” in a ladies’ clothing store. After 30 minutes and five outfits, the fellow’s wife came out of the changing room again. He looked at her and immediately said: “That looks good on you. Get that one.” “Honey,” she replied, “this is what I was wearing when we came in.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.”
Answer: “Finding Nemo” was released in 2003. It is about a fish who lost his wife and most of his children in a terrible accident and has only one son left, Nemo. When Nemo gets lost, Marlin travels the ocean to find him. Albert Brooks voices Marlin and Ellen Degeneres voices Dory. The quote is Dory’s, a very memorable character for many. She speaks this line many times. She is excited about it because it is one of the few things she remembers. It is an address found on a pair of goggles left by the man who took Nemo.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “‘Greater good?’ I am your wife! I am the greatest “good” you are ever gonna get!”
TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA AWARD OF THE DAY GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! SUPER MOVIE SOLVING JOB KIM! 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What’s this rebus? Ptimetimetime Etimetimetime Etimetimetime Ktimetimetime
ANSWER:Keep up with the times!
Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
You die and the devil says he’ll let you go to heaven if you beat him in a game. The devil sits you down at a perfectly round table. He gives himself and you an infinite pile of quarters. He says, “OK, we’ll take turns putting one quarter down, no overlapping allowed, and the quarters must rest flat on the table surface. The first guy who can’t put a quarter down loses.” You guys are about to start playing, and the devil says that he’ll go first. However, at this point you immediately interject, and ask if you can go first instead. You make this interjection because you are very smart and can place quarters perfectly, and you know that if you go first, you can guarantee victory. Explain how you can guarantee victory.
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.schoons.com. www.awj-Law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com. http://www.cleancomedyguy.com.
The World According to the Eucman! 