WELCOME to Friday January 4, 2013.   In the Beginning….

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

 

Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, “You want chocolate with that?” And Man said “Yea,” and woman said, “And another one with sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds.

 

And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

 

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went from size 6 to size 14.

 

So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.”

 

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

 

God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.”

 

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

 

And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

 

God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds.

 

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained pounds.

 

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

 

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And man gained pounds.

 

God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

 

And Satan created McDonald’s and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with that?” And man replied, “Yea! And super size ‘em.” And man went into cardiac arrest.

 

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

 

Then Satan created HMOs

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY 

“I’ve got to admit, I love the show “Doomsday Preppers.” It’s about people making bunkers to survive catastrophes they know will happen. A nuclear war, viral epidemic, Fox canceling ‘Glee.’ It’s all going to happen.” -Craig Ferguson

“Ireland is coming out with its own version of the show ‘Cheers.’ Yeah, a sitcom about people who sit around drinking at a bar all day or as they call that in Ireland, ‘Reality TV.'” -Jimmy Fallon

 

“A new study shows that California has the dirtiest tap water in the country. California officials insist that the dirty water is fine as long as you chew it thoroughly.” -Conan O’Brien 

  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

After setting off the alarms at airport security, I was escorted behind a curtain. As two female officials “wanded” me, the senior officer gave instructions to the trainee on proper technique: first down the front of my body, then up the back of me, and much to my embarrassment up between my legs. After she was done, her boss congratulated her. “Great job,” she said. “Now do it again, but this time, try turning on the wand.”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from???  “There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”.

Answer: Airplane! This 1980 movie starred Robert Hayes, Julie Hagerty, Lloyd Bridges, Kareem-Abdul-Jabbar, Leslie Nielsen and Robert Stack. This is a classic spoof movie making fun of the movie “Airport” (1970). There were very corny sayings that made some people laugh and others just groan. Julie Hagerty’s character was a stewardess and she asked this line in the cockpit after the Captain had become, shall we say, unable to fly the plane. 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from??? “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Find out what the animals are! (for example, “To run away or escape” could be a “flea”)

1. A strong body tissue

2. Government head of a town/city

3. To sound low, husky, or grating

4. Relating to a group of singers

5. Stealin’

6. A parent’s female sibling

7. A mythical curse or bond

8. A second-person pronoun

9. Thin thread-like outgrowth from the skin

10. To exist. A form of ‘am’ or ‘was.’

ANSWER: 1. Mussel (Muscle) 2. Mare (Mayor)  3. Horse (Hoarse)  4. Coral (Choral)  5. Robin (Robbin’)  6. Ant (Aunt)

7. Geese (Geas)  8. Ewe (You)  9. Hare (Hair)  10. Bee (Be)

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

After recent events, Question Mark is annoyed with his brother, Skid Mark. Skid thought it would be funny to hide Question’s wallet. He told Question that he would get it back if he finds it. So, first off, Skid laid five colored keys in a row. One of them is a key to a room where Skid is hiding Question’s wallet. Using the clues, can you determine the order of the keys and which is the right key?

 

Red: This key is somewhere to the left of the key to the door.

Blue: This key is not at one of the ends.

Green: This key is three spaces away from the key to the door (2 between).

Yellow: This key is next to the key to the door.

Orange: This key is in the middle. 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.