WELCOME to Thursday April 4, 2013. Mergers….
NEW YORK, April 4 (AP) — In a move that rocked the Street today, Bert and Ernie announced that they had merged to form Bernie, a giant conglomeration of felt that will move them into the No. 2 spot, past Big Bird and just behind Barney. In recent years the two had lost sponsorship from the letter P and the number 5, and analysts say the merger will help solidify their market share. “This is a logical move for us,” Bert said. “‘Share’ is our favorite word.”
CONCORD, N.H., May 14 (Reuters) — Continuing the wave of consolidation that saw Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia join to form Nationsouth, Vermont and New Hampshire signed a deal today that will combine the two into one state with the motto “Live Free or Whatever.” The deal involves a stock swap in which cows from Vermont and chickens from New Hampshire will be exchanged 1-for-1.
BANGOR, Me., Aug. 22 (Bloomberg) — Stephen King announced today that he had acquired Joyce Carol Oates in a deal that will allow him to increase production by as much as 125 percent, boosting his output to at least one novel a month. The new author, who will do business as Stephen, Joyce, King, Carol and Oates, will be one of the most violent and critically acclaimed novelists working today. Though Mr. King sells more books than Ms. Oates, analysts say the acquisition of the respected writer will help him make inroads into new markets, like college literature classes. “It’s a win-win situation,” Mr. King said in an exclusive interview with The New York Daily Newsday Times. “Joyce has the prestige I’ve been looking for and is one of the few writers who can keep up with my production schedule.” An earlier deal in which Mr. King had hoped to buy Upjohn Inc. fell through when Mr. King was informed that the company was not John Updike.
WASHINGTON, Oct. 3 (UPI) — In a deal that resonated in homes across the country, Cats announced today that it had completed a hostile takeover of Dogs. The new company, which Cats said will be called OnePet, will supplant the recently created Birdfishgroup as the world’s largest supplier of home companion services.
PARIS, Nov. 14 (Agence France-Presse) — In what is thought to be the biggest merger of all time, Men and Women have agreed to join forces into one sex, to be called Humanicorp. The details of the arrangement are still being hammered out, but early negotiations have Men taking breasts. Women have agreed in principle to watch ESPN but have refused to give up self-respect. There are also serious antitrust issues that will need to be resolved. A spokesman for Men, Bob, said that Men had been trying for years to merge with Women and that this was the culmination of a long-held dream for them. Women were unavailable for comment.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
– Steven Wright
“Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to get leisure.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Silence is more musical than any song.”
– Christina Rossetti
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.
“We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Everything in this room is eatable. Even I’m eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.”
Answer: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! This is said by Johhny Depp’s character, Willy Wonka, when he brings the children into his hall filled with candy and chocolate. He says this when he wants them to go enjoy themselves in the factory, where many of the things are made from chocolate and candy, including a chocolate river. Depp plays the owner of a chocolate factory which lets five lucky children in for a grand tour. Four of the children misbehave and end up in various different trouble. Charlie, of course, is well-behaved and in the end is the only child left. It is based on the book by Roald Dahl.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Go back to the abyss! Fall into nothingness that awaits you and your master!”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
General Custer is surrounded by Indians and he’s the only cowboy left. He finds an old lamp in front of him and rubs it. Out pops a genie. The genie grants Custer one wish, with a catch. He says, “Whatever you wish for, each Indian will get two of the same thing.” Custer ponders a while and thinks:”If I get a bow and arrow they get two. If I get a rifle they get two!” He then rubs the bottle again and out pops the genie. “Well,” the genie asks “have you made up your mind?” What did Custer ask for to help him get away?
ANSWER: One Glass Eye!
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is represented here?
queue
tall perennial grass
row
OR
pedigree
necessity for clarinetist
ancestry
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! 
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The World According to the Eucman! 