WELCOME to Friday April 5, 2013.  More Punography…

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoon’s. The

stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion

allowed per passenger.”

 

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and

says, “Dam!”

 

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in

the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have

your kayak and heat it too.

 

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The

other says “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”

 

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root

canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing

in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an

hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But

why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand

chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

 

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes

to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in

Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself

to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that

she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re

twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

 

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened

up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers

from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition

was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He

went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival

florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town

to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their

store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they

did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

 

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very

little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from

bad breath. This made him ………A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to

various people, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them

laugh. No pun in ten did.  

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY 

“The women’s school district in New Hampshire has officially banned dodge ball because parents complained their kids were being targeted during games which, of course, is the point of dodge ball.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Today President Obama asked Congress for $100 million to map the human brain. And believe me, if anybody needs a map to find their brain, it’s Congress.” -Jay Leno

“Last week, a hunter in Kansas shot his friend twice because he mistakenly thought he was a turkey. After the first shot, the guy said he wasn’t a turkey. But, come on, that’s exactly what a turkey would have said.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee’s pay.  She said, “My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month’s sick leave AND they paid the full premiums.” “I can’t help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits,” the interviewer replied. 

The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, “The company went bankrupt.” 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from???  “Go back to the abyss! Fall into nothingness that awaits you and your master!”

 

Answer: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King! This was said by ‘Gandalf’ to the Witch King in the movie. Pippin had gone to Gandalf for help to save his son from Denethor. It was while they were on their way that they ran into the Witch King and Gandalf uttered those words. The Witch King then threatened to kill Pippin & Gandalf and would have, had not the sound of a Rohan’s horn saved them. The Witch King then rode off. “The Lord of the Rings” film trilogy consists of three live action fantasy epic films: “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” (2001), “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” (2002) and “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King “(2003). These films were based on the three-volume book “The Lord of the Rings: written by J. R. R. Tolkien. It follows the book’s general storyline but also features some additions and deviations from the book. 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from???  “Every time you get hit, feels like I’m gettin’ hit, too.”

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

What phrase is represented here?

 

queue

tall perennial grass

row

 

OR

 

pedigree

necessity for clarinetist

ancestry

 

ANSWER: Reed (read) between the lines! 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

 

Four of us are in your field

But our differences keep us at yield

 

First, a one that is no fool

Though he resembles a gardener’s tool

 

Next, one difficult to split in two

And a girl once had one as big as her shoe

 

Then, to the mind, one’s a lovely bonder

And truancy makes it grow fonder

 

Last, a stem connecting dots of three

Knowing all this, what are we?

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.