WELCOME to Friday July 5, 2013. Genuine answers from 16 year old…Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Simple, Keep it in the cow.
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
With the last one funniest of all
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Friday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“We’re celebrating our independence from the British. I hope that in a couple years, we’ll be able to celebrate our independence from the Chinese.” -David Letterman
“Six half-marathon runners were hospitalized yesterday for running in 100 degree heat. They were rushed to a mental hospital.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“According to a Twitter study, people are happiest on the weekends and when their workday is over. They also discovered that if you stand in front of a moving train, it will kill you.” -Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. “Have you ever heard of a drink called ‘Seven Young Blondes’?” I asked. He admitted he’d never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he’d be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him. “Sir,” I asked the customer, “can you tell me what’s in that drink?”
He looked at me like I was crazy. “It’s wine,” he said, pronouncing his words carefully, “Sauvignon blanc.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Do you not know that King Kong the first was just three foot six inches tall? He only came up to Faye Wray’s belly button! If God could do the tricks that we can do he’d be a happy man!”
Answer: The Stunt Man! This quote comes from the scene where Eli (O’Toole) assures Cameron (Steve Railsback) about how easy it will be for him to hide from the police on the movie set.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???
“Elliot? You’re gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can’t name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You’re not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name. Like Nick. Nick’s a real name. Nick’s your buddy. Nick’s the kind of guy you can trust, the kind of guy you can drink a beer with, the kind of guy who doesn’t mind if you puke in his car. Nick!”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each of the following clues describes two words. One of the words is a type of fruit. The other word is that fruit with one of the following changes: a letter added anywhere (apple applet), a letter deleted anywhere (orange range), or a letter changed anywhere (cheery cherry). There is no rearrangement of the other letters. No fruit is used more than once.
1) This is a devilish fruit.
2) This is a crippled fruit.
3) This is a happy fruit.
4) This is a criminal fruit.
5) This is a large fruit.
6) This is a tardy fruit.
7) This is a sullen fruit.
8) This is an up-to-date fruit.
9) This is a handkerchief worn by a fruit.
10) This is a popular dance among fruit.
11) This is a complaint by a fruit.
12) This is a weapon used by a fruit.
ANSWER: 1) demon lemon 2) lame lime 3) merry berry 4) felon melon 5) big fig 6) late date
7) glum plum 8) current currant 9) banana bandana 10) mango tango 11) grape gripe 12) pear spear
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
One afternoon, a retired air force pilot and his family were driving through Texas on a vacation. They pass a road sign. One of the children remarks on the fact that the sign is named after a dance style.
After about five minutes, they pass another sign, which reads, “Golf Road”. As soon as they pass it, the man turns to his wife and says he knows what the next sign will say, and that he’ll bet her twenty dollars that he’s right. She agrees, and they drive on. After passing the next road sign, the wife finds that her husband is right, and hands him twenty dollars.
What did the last sign say and how did the man know?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,
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