WELCOME to Friday May 2, 2014.
A Woman’s Thoughts on Life!
1.Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
2. I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
3. If I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
4. My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
5. I cleaned my house yesterday, sure wish you could have seen it.
6. This isn’t clutter, these are my antiques!
7. If you don’t like my attitude, call 1-800-Who Cares.
8. Discover Wildlife! Have Kids!
9. “Genuine Antique Person,” Been there, done that, can’t remember!
10. Our policy is to always blame the computer.
11. I’m not aging, I just need re-potting.
12. Take my advice, I’m not using it!
13. Okay! I love you! Now can we eat?
14. You know you’re getting old when you stop to think and forget to start again.
15. Mom, I’ll always love you, but I’ll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.
16. I love to give homemade gifts … umm, which one of the kids would you like?
17. I have a million dollar figure — but it’s all loose change!
18. By the time you find greener pastures, you can’t limb the fence!
19. This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
20. Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Facebook has acquired a new mobile app that would allow users to track their exercise and measure how many calories they’ve burned. So if you love Facebook, and you love exercise, you’re lying about one of those.” -Seth Meyers
“Aquaman is making his big screen debut in the upcoming Justice League movie. I’m not clear how Aquaman will get into the Justice League headquarters. It’s an all-glass building with no rivers or streams leading to it. It gives me a bad feeling that Aquaman arrives through the toilet.” -Craig Ferguson
“Producers are currently working on a remake of the classic 1959 Charlton Heston film ‘Ben-Hur.’ They’re calling the remake ‘Ben-Hur, Done That.'” Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A man was trying to pull out of a parking place, and bashed the bumper of the parked car in front of him. Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windshield of the car he had hit.
The note read:
“Hello. I have just hit your car, and there are some people here watching me who think that I am writing this note to leave you my name and phone number. You should be so lucky!”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “That’s ok Baby, I went slumming too.”
Answer: Dirty Dancing!
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this
quote from??? Man: “Seems there’s a couple of numbers missing on your social security number.”
Man 2: “Uh, uhhhh, 12.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
I have a common English phrase. I feed this phrase into a computer translation program. This translates it into a foreign language then back into English again. Unfortunately, because computers do not understand idiom and sarcasm, the phrase has been changed. It now reads:
BLIND, INSANITY.
What was the original phrase?
Answer: Out of sight, out of mind.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
You have no skill at magic tricks, yet you make a bet with your friend for $25. You tell him to pick a card, take a look at it, and put it back in the deck. You then shuffle the deck as many times as your friend wishes. You will then hand back your friend’s chosen card. Even though you possess no magic skill whatsoever, and you have no idea what your friend picked, you can still win this bet. How?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 
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