Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, August 26, 2014.      

Funny Wisdom…….

  1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
  2. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  3. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  4. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
  5. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
  6. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  7. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
  8. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  9. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  10. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.
  11. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
  12. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
  13. Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don’t have film.
  14. If you dig a hole for someone else, you’ll fall into it. – Hungarian proverb
  15. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
  16. Indecision is the key to flexibility. Funny Wisdom
  17. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  18. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
  19. You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.
  20. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“In response to criticism of its treatment of killer whales, Sea World said it will build them a larger habitat. When asked for comment, a killer whale said, ‘Hey, you know what’s a larger habitat? The ocean!'” -Conan O’Brien
“Yankee Stadium says it will start adding metal detectors as a way to beef up security. And then they went back to selling beer and baseball bats to New Yorkers.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Summer is nearly over and it’s back-to-school time. If you can, send your kids to college so they get a degree and at least then they will know what kind of work they’re out of.” -Dave Letterman
Patience is the companion of wisdom – Saint Augustine
Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow – Aristotle
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it – Confucius
He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot.  He that dare not is a slave – Andrew Carnegie
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind – Shakyamuni Buddha
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice.  He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: “Put two drops in R ear every four hours.”  

 

Tuesday Movie  Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  ‘I’ve got a hot date.’
‘Really? Who is she and what did you arrest her for?’ 
 
Answer: ‘LA Confidential’  Russell Crowe’s witty comeback to his partner’s excuse for not going out for a drink.
 
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Is there a history of insanity in your family?’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
How can you make the following equation correct without changing it at all?
 
8 + 8 = 91 
  
Answer: Look at it upside down.  16 = 8 + 8. 
 
Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….
Each group of definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing. The length of the words in each group is provided.
 
1) a small bundle & a pointed stake for a fence & a small isolated area or group (6 letters)
2) to express in words & not freshly made & to look fixedly at something (5 letters)
3) a dance that conveys a story & a makeshift bed & a hammer-like implement (6 letters)
4) a local branch of a society & a mercantile lease of a ship & to talk incessantly (7 letters)
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS!
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji 

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