Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

6-74690-mm_babymeme12-1406927579

WELCOME to Tuesday, November 4, 2014. 

 Wisecracks……….

  1. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
    One says to the other: ‘Does this taste funny to you?’
  2. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
  3. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
    The one turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’
  4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: ‘A beer please, and one for the road.’
  5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  6. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
    Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that:

    You can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  7. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.  The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
  8. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
  9. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  10. A jump-start cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.
  11. ‘Doc, I can’t stop singing’ The Green, Green Grass of Home’.  ‘That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.’ Is it common? ‘Well, It’s Not Unusual’.
  12. The invisible man marries the invisible woman.  The kids were nothing to look at either.
  13. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
  14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
  15. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. " Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before
    Daisy says to Ermentrude, ‘I was artificially inseminated this morning.’ I don’t believe you’, says Ermentrude. ‘It’s true, no bull!’ exclaims Daisy.
  16. ‘Deja Moo’: The feeling that You’ve heard this bull before.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and and 

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“A group of wine experts has actually come up with a list of the best wines to pair with Halloween candy. They say, ‘White wine goes great with Skittles, red wine goes great with Twix, and… we’re alcoholics, aren’t we?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.” –David Letterman

“The night the San Francisco Giants beat the Kansas City Royals in Game 7 of the World Series. Of course, after the game fans in San Francisco celebrated as fans are known to do – by lighting their city on fire. I’ve never understood that. If your team wins, why not celebrate by destroying the other team’s city?” -Jimmy Kimmel 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A tobacco company sent Dave several packages of cigarettes with the explanation: “We are sending you some of our finest cigarettes. We hope you enjoy them and will want more.”

After several months the tobacco company received this reply from Dave: “I got your cigarettes and soaked them in a quart of water which I sprayed on my bug-infested rosebushes. Every bug died!

These cigarettes make best poison ever! Please send me some more next month in case any bugs survived.” 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  “Sam, are you out of your mind? He’s dead.” “That ought to 

make him easier to catch.”  

 

Answer: The Fugitive! “The Fugitive” stars Harrison Ford as a doctor accused of the murder of his wife. He escapes from a prison bus accident and goes on the run to find the real killer. Tommy Lee Jones stars as the agent trying to find him. This quote is said between Agent Biggs and Sam Gerard (Jones) after Dr. Kimble jumps off of a dam to avoid capture and Gerard insists that they still go find him. 

 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Oh-oh. Your shorts are on the highway.”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

What phrase is represented below? 

Sigh_ 

 

Answer:  No end in sight

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Rode – Can

2. Font – Farce

3. Tory – Stale

4. Dire – Cash

5. Self – Shill

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

  
 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s