by eucman

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

DVxoJX9

WELCOME to Thursday, January 29, 2015.    

Here’s the Story…………. 
The Cigar Arsonist: A CHARLOTTE, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against (get this) fire! Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued — and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that the cigars would be insured against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire, it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company grudgingly accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in the fires. After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one-year terms.
So don’t piss off your insurance company! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

If you fell down yesterday, stand up today. H. G. Wells

Dear Lord, I’m so grateful I’m still loved. Vivien Leigh

Of what use were the arts if they were only the reproduction and the imitation of life? Alfred de Vigny

Nature holds the key to our aesthetic, intellectual, cognitive and even spiritual satisfaction. E. O. Wilson

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”

The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything.” 

“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient.  To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “If there’s anything ya need – broads, blow, just dial ‘O’.”   

Answer: Highlander! After spotting the wad of cash on him, the clerk of a NYC transient hotel says this to the Kurgan (Clancy Brown), one of the remaining, and most evil of all the Immortals. The Immortals, who have been fighting each other off through the centuries until only one remains, gather in the Big Apple to fight for The Prize.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Listen, not everybody gets a shot at the brass ring, so you got to ask yourself what’s more important? Your friends or your music?”  

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

A different fruit (a total of twelve) is buried in every one of the following lines.

Example: A word is considered ‘buried’ when it can be read like P A R I S in the sentence “Grand-pa(pa ris)es at seven every morning.” Can you detect them?

Ah! If I get my good ship home

I’ll find a tempting spot,

Where mayhap pleasant flowers will bloom,

And there I’ll shape a charming cot.

Where bees sip nectar in each flower,

And Philomel on hawthorn rests,

I’ll shape a rustic, sun-kissed bower –

A bower meet for angel guests.

Then she who lives and loves with me,

Sing our days of calm repose,

Sole monarch of the flowers will be –

For Myra is indeed a rose.

 

ANSWER: Ah! I(f I g)et my good ship home

I’ll fin(d a te)mpting spot,

Where mayh(ap ple)asant flowers will bloom,

And there I’ll sha(pe a ch)arming cot.

Where bees sip (nectar in e)ach flower,

And Philo(mel on) hawthorn rests,

I’ll sha(pe a r)ustic, sun-kissed bower –

A bower meet f(or ange)l guests.

Then she wh(o live)s and loves with me,

Sin(g our d)ays of calm repose,

So(le mon)arch of the flowers will be –

For My(ra is in)deed a rose.    

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

You awake inside a small transparent capsule sitting on the surface of Venus. From a small speaker you hear a voice that says, “We will leave you here either for a day or a year. If you choose to stay a day, we will give you $1 million. If you choose to stay a year, we will give you $2 million. Either way, you will have sufficient food and water. We will make sure the temperature is a constant 70 degrees Fahrenheit. We will also supply cable TV.”

What is your choice? (Don’t let money decide your answer).

 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS & MS. KIM HILLYARD! SUPER SOLVING JOB LADIES! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         
  

Leave a comment