WELCOME to Friday, January 30, 2015.
A circus lion won’t eat clowns because they taste funny.
A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, “Is the bar tender here?”
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was intense.
A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
What you seize is what you get.
Gardeners always know the ground rules.
Some people’s noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese.
When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party.
Looting a drugstore is called Pillaging
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
Old programmers never die, they just can’t C as well.
A music store had a small sign which read: Bach in a Minuet.
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancée-free.
A ditch digger was entrenched in his career.
A girl and her boyfriend went to a party as a barcode. They were an item.
A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“On eBay, a group of four Super Bowl tickets is going for $51,000. Although to be fair, that price includes a full-body rubdown from stadium security.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“SkyMall’s parent company has filed for bankruptcy, which could mean the end of the catalog. Airline passengers were really upset. They said, ‘Now what am I gonna spit my gum into?'” -Jimmy Fallon
“In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away three days ago. Is it too soon to hit on Queen Latifah?” -Dave Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. “Now that you’re over 40,” the doctor told him, “you’ve developed a condition called ‘presbyopia,’ in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to.”
Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. “Congratulations!” he said. “You’re now officially a presbyope!”
Doug leaned over and asked seriously, “If that means I’m no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Listen, not everybody gets a shot at the brass ring, so you got to ask yourself what’s more important? Your friends or your music?”
Answer: La Bamba! This is President of Delphi Records, Bob Keene’s (Joe Pantoliano) ultimatum to Ritchie Valens, who is about to walk out the door when Keene informs him that he wants to record seventeen year old Valens, but not Ritchie’ band mates. Ritchie simply responds, “My family”. The biopic follows Valens from humble beginnings, through his meteoric rise to the top of the rock and roll charts, to his untimely death in a plane crash along with Buddy Holly and The Big Bopper.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Nobody gets outta here ’til they sing the blues.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
You awake inside a small transparent capsule sitting on the surface of Venus. From a small speaker you hear a voice that says, “We will leave you here either for a day or a year. If you choose to stay a day, we will give you $1 million. If you choose to stay a year, we will give you $2 million. Either way, you will have sufficient food and water. We will make sure the temperature is a constant 70 degrees Fahrenheit. We will also supply cable TV.”
What is your choice? (Don’t let money decide your answer).
ANSWER: Choose to stay one year and win $2 million. Venus takes 243 Earth days to rotate on its axis, but it takes 225 Earth days to go around the sun. On Venus a day is longer than a year.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The following clues lead to two words or phrases that are the phonetic reverse of each other. When you answer the first clue and flip the syllables, you get the second answer. (Phonetic only, not letters.)Using the clues below, please find the words/phrases in question.
Example: Impertinent * Teetertotter
Answer: Saucy/Seesaw
1. Fundamental * Where the doctor works on a naval ship
2. Government assistance for the poor * Goodbye
3. Worst possible Test Score * Optimistic
4. Relevant * What Jesus was born in
5. Sofa * Cups, saucers, sugar bowl, etc. (2 words)
The World According to the Eucman! 