Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, July 21, 2015.    

Excerpts from Medical Records. The following quotes were taken from actual 

medical records, as dictated by physicians……

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a 

40-pound weight gain in the past three days.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

She is numb from her toes down.

The skin was moist and dry.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever

you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY     

“If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s darn near forty.” –Chris Rock

“My mother wanted me to go to church to meet women. That’s wrong, ain’t it? ‘Praise the Lord! Hey, how ya doing? Nice dress. Look, I’m going to go over there and get some of this wine and crackers, want some?'” –Warren Hutcherson

“We used to play spin the bottle a lot when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.” –Gene Perret  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

On my four-year-old daughter’s first trip to Disneyland, she couldn’t wait to get on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. As the car zoomed through the crazy rooms, into the path of a speeding train, and through walls that fell away at the last second, she clutched the little steering wheel in front of her. 

When the ride was over, she said to me a little shakily, “Next time, you drive. I didn’t know where I was going.” 

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve got a plane full of people saying you threatened that stewardess with a bomb.’ ‘I didn’t threaten her with a bomb; I said, ‘It’s not like I have a bomb’.’  ‘You said bomb on an airplane.’ ‘What’s wrong with saying bomb on an airplane?’ ‘You can’t say bomb on an airplane!’

  

Answer: Meet the Parents! This is my other fav comedy. Ben Stiller is hilarious! 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Quiz time: Got your glasses on?’ ‘What?’ ‘It means you don’t know who your friends are.’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

What different types of Radio are represented below? 

(Don’t take it too seriously) 

1) \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Radio 

2) ^^^^^^^^^^ Radio 

3) BAAAAAAAND Radio 

4) 8 Fingers 2 thumbs Radio 

5) BlackBeard Radio 

6) 90% Fat free Radio 

7) Sister to Sister Radio 

 

ANSWER: 1) Long Wave Radio  2) Short Wave Radio  3) Broadband Radio  4) Digital (Digit All / All Digit) Radio

5) Pirate Radio  6) Local (Low Cal) Radio  7) Transistor (Trans Sister) Radio 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What emotion is an anagram of a homonym of an antonym of a homonym of an anagram of wolf?
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org.

 

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