WELCOME to Wednesday, September 9, 2015.
Vocabulary Lesson for New Parents…………..
BOTTLE FEEDING An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too.
DEFENSE What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let de children play outside.
DROOLING How teething babies wash their chins.
DUMBWAITER One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FEEDBACK The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
HEARSAY What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
INDEPENDENT How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
LOOK OUT! What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
OW The first word spoken by children with older siblings
PUDDLE A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF A child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
STOREROOM The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
THUNDERSTORM A chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.
TOP BUNK Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
WHODUNIT None of the kids that live in your house.
WHOOPS An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” –Phyllis Diller
“Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.” –Marilyn Monroe
“Good taste is the worst vice ever invented.” –Edith Sitwell
“Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It’s perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study found that eating healthy adds $380 to your grocery bill every year. Or as Americans put it, ‘Cool, I saved $380 this year!'” -Jimmy Fallon
“President Barack Obama, was in Alaska the other day where he did one of those things presidents have to do–he joined in for some traditional eskimo dancing at a local middle school. Nobody wins in a situation like that.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, “What rotten luck I’ve had today! What in the world should I do now?”
A man standing next to her suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?”
He walks away, but moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and when 36 came up she just fainted!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, I need, I need…’
Answer: What About Bob? Bob is a psychiatric patient.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I am Norfolk!’
‘You WERE Norfolk; dead men have no titles.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
In the land of Brainopia, there are three races of people: Mikkos, who tell the truth all the time, Kikkos, who always tell lies, and Zikkos, who tell alternate false and true statements, in which the order is not known (i.e. true, false, true or false, true, false). When interviewing three Brainopians, a foreigner received the following statements:
I am a Mikko.
I am a Kikko.
a. They are both lying.
b. I am a Zikko.
Can you help the very confused foreigner determine who is who, assuming each person represents a different race?
ANSWER: Person 1 is a Mikko.
Person 2 is a Zikko.
Person 3 is a Kikko.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each of the clues below describe the name of a candy. Can you name them? Example: Galaxy would be a Milky Way.
1. Sign of affection
2. Favorite day for working people
3. Can’t hold on to anything
4. Famous swashbuckling trio
5. Sun explosions
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/