WELCOME to Thursday, October 1, 2015.
Analogies and metaphors found in actual high school essays…….
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country, speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for awhile.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES FOR THE WEEKEND….
“Don’t forget on Sunday night, there’s going to be a full lunar eclipse. So, parents, don’t forget to point up at the sky and tell your children the moon is going away because they’ve been bad.” -Stephen Colbert
“Justin Bieber says he has three or four albums he hasn’t released yet. Bieber says, ‘You have until midnight to meet my demands.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A Beverly Hills podiatrist makes his living by giving women the ‘Cinderella Procedure,’ a surgery that alters the shape of feet so they can fit into designer shoes more comfortably. One day, God willing, technology will advance to where it’s easier to alter the shape of a shoe than a human foot.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
When a music student brought his French horn to my shop for repair, he complained that the instrument “felt stuffy” and he couldn’t blow air through it. It’s not unusual to find partial blockages in brass instruments if small items get lodged in the tubing, but when I tested the instrument, the horn was completely blocked. After much probing and prodding, a small tangerine dropped out of the bell.
“Oh,” said the musician when I handed him the fruit. Seeing the bewildered look on my face, he explained, “My mom used the horn for a cornucopia in a Thanksgiving centerpiece.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Welcome to the party, pal!’
Answer: Die Hard! Aaah, ‘Die Hard’…don’tcha just love it! Spoken by the action man himself, Bruce Willis.
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Are you trying to get a rise out of me, Inspector?’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of words has one four letter prefix that fits in front of them to form another word or phrase. Can you figure out which word it is for each group?
1. Nail, man, out, ten
2. Sick, work, room, plate
3. Do, up, shift, believe
4. Range, shot, horn, bow
5. Back, baked, way, hour
6. Dress, band, ache, rest
7. Chair, jump, light, rise
8. Note, print, ball, step
9. Arm, fly, works, sale
ANSWER: 1. Hang 2. Home 3. Make 4. Long 5. Half 6. Head 7. High 8. Foot 9. Fire
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Four legs have I, a sturdy fellow
A fuzzy back that isn’t yellow
But (often) green or (rarely) red
A den is where I make my bed
My keepers feed me coloured balls
With sticks they store on my den walls
Sometimes I store them in my pouch
Sometimes deep in my belly; ouch!
That’s when you’ll see me acting strange
Instead of balls, I’ll eat your change
And that’s my cue to feed again
Chalk it up to hunger, friend!
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE SOLVING WORK BANKS!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/