WELCOME to Friday, October 2, 2015.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
When you’re swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray!
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, does it make a sound?
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.
Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we’re already there?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If you yelled at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES FOR THE WEEKEND….
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. Mark Twain
If people knew how hard I worked at my art, they would not consider me a genius. Michelangelo
Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration. Thomas Edison
Always do right — this will gratify some and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way . . . you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions. Aristotle
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas Edison
To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, “Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss.”
So the man agreed and made his first wish. “I want lots of money”, he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man’s bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss’ account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss’ house appeared two of each car.
Finally the genie said, “This is your last wish, you should choose carefully”, and so the man replied… “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney…”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Are you trying to get a rise out of me, Inspector?’
Answer: The Usual Suspects! One of the lesser-known lines spoken by Kevin Spacey in this film.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I just love to watch him go.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Four legs have I, a sturdy fellow
A fuzzy back that isn’t yellow
But (often) green or (rarely) red
A den is where I make my bed
My keepers feed me coloured balls
With sticks they store on my den walls
Sometimes I store them in my pouch
Sometimes deep in my belly; ouch!
That’s when you’ll see me acting strange
Instead of balls, I’ll eat your change
And that’s my cue to feed again
Chalk it up to hunger, friend!
ANSWER: A billiard (pool) table. They have four sturdy legs and a green, fuzzy playing surface (snooker tables are sometimes red). Privately owned tables are often kept in the den (family room), and the cues are usually stored in a wall rack. Private tables simply have pouches beneath the pockets to catch the balls; coin-operated tables store the balls inside the table. To play again, you need to insert more coins. Note the use of “cue” and “chalk”; two essential billiard elements!
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
For each of the pairs of words below, insert a word in the blank space between them to form two separate words such that the inserted word finishes the first word and begins the second. For example, given “MAN ____ ON”, you would insert the word “GO” to form “MANGO” and “GOON”. The hint gives the number of letters in each of the words that must be inserted.
BOW ____ AGE
GENE ____ KING
LAND ____ GOAT
DIG ____ SELF
PAR ____ ATE
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE SOLVING WORK BANKS!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/