WELCOME to Friday, February 26, 2016.
1. I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.
2. Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.
3. I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.
4. I don’t think I need a spine. It’s holding me back.
5. I planned to find my watch today, but I didn’t have the time.
6. You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn’t that be just like you!
7. As the shoe said to the hat, ‘You go on ahead, and I’ll follow on foot’.
8. Contacts are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them.
9. The crowd at the Cannibal’s party grew silent when he announced he would be serving finger foods.
10. The ankle was an arch enemy of the heel because the heel had a sole that could
neither toe the line nor keep instep.
11. A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia.
12. I tinted my hair today. It was the highlight of my day.
13. I always believed my body was a prison for me. I was right, in biology I learnt they were made of cells.
14. I almost got my haircut then I thought I’d mullet over first.
15. A no-fly zone prohibits zippers.
16. Learning to walk in high heels will keep you on your toes.
17. The testimony at the barbershop is mostly hair-say.
18. Mooning is lunacy.
19. I don’t know why my eyeglass lenses were steamed up. I was mystified.
20. Masks have no face value!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A new study has found that specially trained pigeons can have up to an 85 percent accuracy rate of detecting breast cancer in humans. Which means that 15 percent of the time it’s just a pigeon staring at your breasts.” -Seth Meyers
“There is a new website that allows parents to rent toys instead of buying them for Christmas. The website is perfect for parents who aren’t sure that they love their child.” -Conan O’Brien
“I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.” –George Burns
“Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.” –David Letterman
“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”
–Dr. Joyce Brothers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will be the first in their family to go to college. So he and the wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he’s ever been.
After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. “Well, boy, you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell me some of that fancy book learnin’.”
So junior says, “My favorite class is math, pa. Just last week we learned a new formula…Pi r squared.”
At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his forehead, “Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody knows pie are round…CORNBREAD are squared!”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Your mama’s so dumb she got hit by a parked car.”
Answer: Sister Act 2! Sister Mary Clarence (Whoopi) shows the music class up with little jab at Frank-ay.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Freeze. I said freeze.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”
ANSWER: 1. Rock & Roll 2. Mom & Pop 3. Law & Order 4. Rise & Shine 5. Rough & Tumble
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
We are brave sailors always riding the sea
We are less than one hundred but as tough as can be
We sleep in three bunkers on top of each other
Our numbers double from one bunker to another
We dance in joy all through the night
In groups of fives under the moonlight
Last night twelve of us were swallowed by waves
Leaving alive more than two third of the braves
Still we continue the journey refusing to fail
So tell me how many of us are left to sail?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/