funny-puns-one-liner-jokes

WELCOME to Monday, March 14, 2016.  

Signs of the times…..

SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE: 

“We will heel you 

We will save your sole 

We will even dye for you.” 

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: 

“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.” 

In a Podiatrist’s office: 

“Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck: 

“Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels” 

At an Optometrist’s Office: 

“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.” 

On a Plumber’s truck: 

“We repair what your husband fixed.” 

On another Plumber’s truck: 

“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.” 

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: 

“Invite us to your next blowout.” 

On an Electrician’s truck: 

“Let us remove your shorts.” 

On a Maternity Room door: 

“Push. Push. Push.” 

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: 

“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!” 

In a Restaurant window: 

“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: 

“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

In a Chicago Radiator Shop: 

“Best place in town to take a leak.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Some parents across the country are worried after certain brands of sippy cups have started growing mold inside the mouthpiece valves. While other parents on their third child said, ‘Just scrape it off if it tastes funny.'” -Seth Meyers

“In Florida, a drunk half-naked woman crashed her car into a Waffle House. Just a reminder, once again Florida will likely determine who our next president is.” -Conan O’Brien

“Brace yourself, because Kraft has announced that they’ve gone natural. I first assumed that natural meant they were doing their products in the buff. But they mean they have removed all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from their classic Mac and Cheese recipe. I don’t get it. I was not aware, first of all, that a packet of orange dust was a technically a recipe.” -Stephen Colbert 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

 The little boy wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking.”Emoji 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???(whispers to self) ‘Come and get me. Come and get me.’  

Answer: City Slickers 2!  Duke, trying to get Mitch excited about the hunt for Curly’s gold.

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘He won’t kill us. He’s not that nice.’

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

There are seven parts to this riddle,

Each is part of a greater whole.

You see most of these,

Everyday as you please:

First is what I did to a book yesterday,

Second mixes with apples.

Third is a shout, then “ouch” you say,

Fourth shares the sound of mean.

Fifth is what the wind had done,

The sixth is often skipped.

The last and final can be called by two names,

If roses are this, then which is the blue one?

 

ANSWER: The 7 Colors of the Rainbow

Red: read a book

Orange: apples and oranges

Yellow: Yell and Ow

Green: Rhymes with “Mean”

Blue: The wind “blew”

Indigo is often skipped

Violet: Roses are red, Violets are blue.  

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

In these Word Pyramids, the first letter is given to you (which is the first answer). Use the clues to build the pyramid to find the answer. In each consecutive answer, a letter is added to the previous answer. However, the answer letters might not be in the same order. Good Luck!!

Starting letter: D

Clues:

1. pop-up material

2. assist

3. uttered aloud

4. surprise attacks

5. render harmless

6. indefinite number

7. polyhedrons

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s