by eucman

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

the-ending-is-pretty-ruff

WELCOME to Friday, June 10, 2016.   

Miscommunication………..
Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asks, ‘What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?’
Amy replied, ‘Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.’
‘No,’ Judge Jeffries continued, ‘I mean what is the foundation of this case?’
‘It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,’ responded Amy promptly.
‘I mean,’ he sighed, ‘What are your relations like?’
‘Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.’
Judge Jeffries asked, ‘Do you have a real grudge?’
‘No, we haven’t,’ Amy replied, ‘We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.’
‘Please,’ Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, ‘is there any infidelity in your marriage?’
‘Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes,’ smiled Amy.
‘Ma’am,’ Judge Jeffries raised his voice, ‘does your husband ever beat you up?’
‘Oh yes,’ Amy responded, ‘about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.’
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, ‘Lady, why do you want a divorce?’
‘Oh, I don’t want a divorce,’ Amy replied. ‘I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.’

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. (Rita Rudner)

Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.  If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.  (Socrates)

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’. I said, 

‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’. (Henny Youngman)

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner) 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

Relationships can be very puzzling as we all know. Take celibacy, for example; this can be a choice, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.

While attending a special Marriage Awareness Weekend in Doncaster, Yorkshire, England, Nicky and Victoria listened to the facilitator intone, ‘It is so very important that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.’

He turned to the men and asked, ‘Can you each name your wife’s favourite flower?’

Nicky leaned over, touched Victoria’s arm gently and whispered, ‘Self raising, isn’t it?’

Thus began Nicky’s life of celibacy.Emoji

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “If you don’t let me out I’m throwin’ up all over the front seat.”  

Answer:  The Legend of Billie Jean! Yeardley Smith played Putter, who said this quote. She is currently the voice of Lisa Simpson on “The Simpsons”. She is known for having a very distinctive voice.

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Men…can’t live with ’em, can’t shoot ’em.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

We are four brothers in this world and we’re all born together.

The first one runs and never wearies.

The second eats and is never full.

The third drinks and is ever thirsty,

The fourth sings a song that is barely heard.

Who are we? 

ANSWER: Water, Fire, Earth and Wind. 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Each group of definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing. The length of the words in each group is provided.

1) a long step & a conflict or struggle & to hit sharply (6 letters)

2) medicinal ointment & a device that regulates flow through a pipe & to divide into two equal parts (5 letters)

3) not coarse & a musical instrument & a collection of papers (4 letters)

4) meager & sweet baked good & storage room for food (6 letters)

 

  

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com.

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