Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, August 7, 2016.      

“YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY…”

“Everything Comes In Threes” – Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three “ones” come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern.

“You Can’t Take It With You (when you die)” – Well…, that depends on what it is. If it’s your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets.

“You Learn Something New Every Day” – Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you’ve just learned it, doesn’t mean it’s new. Other people already knew it, Columbus is a good example of this.

“You Get What You Pay For” – Clearly this is not true. Have you been shopping recently? Only a very naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check your purchases carefully, you’ll find that you get whatever they feel like giving you. And if corporations get any more powerful, you soon might not even get that.

“NICE GUYS FINISH LAST” – Not true. Studies have shown that, on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually, short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that nice guys finished twenty-sixth. You can see how limited those people were. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“In a survey of 35 cities, Los Angeles ranked second-to-last in intelligence. Residents of L.A. were outraged after the report was slowly explained to them.” -Conan O’BrienEmoji

“A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, ‘Business Class.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Trump tweeted a photograph last night showing him feasting on Kentucky Fried Chicken with a knife and fork. I don’t know who’s advising him. Who eats KFC with a knife and fork? I don’t even need a plate. The reason it comes in a bucket is you don’t need anything. All you need is a face to eat KFC.” -Jimmy Kimmel 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.

While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceeds to take their wallets, watches, etc. 

While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two’s hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, “What is this?” 

To which the first lawyer replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.”  Emoji 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘When you look at me, you don’t see a man, you see a black man.’  

ANSWER: A Time to Kill! Samuel L. Jackson explains to Matthew McConaughey what separates them. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘I hate to see you go, but I LOVE to watch you leave.’

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

In each of the cases below, scramble the letters and then add an X at the end to make a new word. 

Example: coven + x = convex

1) real + x =

2) torah + x = 

3) compel + x = 

4) claim + x = 

5) nasty + x =

6) hoboes + x =  

ANSWER:   1) Relax  2) Thorax  3) Complex  4) Climax  5) Syntax  6) Shoebox

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Stronger than steel, yet lighter than cotton

Found in a corner, forever forgotten

I bother so many, but marvel a few

You can’t seem to make me

I’m a mystery to you.

 
 
 
 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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