WELCOME to Thursday, March 30, 2017.
Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Crooks.
I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
Why doesn’t the bike stand by itself? Because it’s two tired.
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.
A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “Industry experts are speculating that Chipotle could be planning to add breakfast options. Of course, Chipotle already has a breakfast option. It’s the half a burrito you woke up next to.” -Seth Meyers
“A school in Tennessee is facing criticism for separating students with bad grades from students with good grades at lunch. Thats crazy! You dont use grades to separate kids. Everyone knows that kids should be separated by clothes, looks, and how much money their parents make.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny’s while sober.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Blane? Blane? That’s an appliance, not a name!’
ANSWER: Pretty In Pink! Spoken by Duckie (Jon Cryer) to Andie Walsh (Molly Ringwald).
Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘I’ve never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it’s MOST unusual.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
As you may know, a group of fish is called a “school”, a group of lions is called a “pride”, and a group of seagulls is called a “flock”. Some are a little more unusual. See if you can guess what animals belong to the following groups:
ANSWER: Crash – Rhinoceros Exaltation – Lark Mob – Kangaroo Murder – Crow Parliament – Owl Pod – Whale Sounder – Pig/Hog
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
The letter “o” has been removed from the following words. Can you guess them all?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com, www.stlzoo.org