WELCOME to Wednesday, May 3, 2017.
Really Bad Punograpy……
1. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”
2. You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
3. What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies!
6. Why aren’t koalas actual bears? The don’t meet the koalafications.
7. A bear walks into a restaurant and say’s “I want a grilllllled………………………………………cheese.” The waiter says “Whats with the pause?”
The bear replies “Whaddya mean, I’M A BEAR.”
8. What do you call bears with no ears? B
9. Why dont blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.
10. I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?” I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”
11. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
12. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.”
The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”
13. I saw a wino eating grapes. I told him, you gotta wait.
14. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
15. What does a pepper do when it’s angry? It gets jalapeño face!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“If men would consider not so much wherein they differ, as wherein they agree,
there would be far less of uncharitableness and angry feeling in the world.” Joseph Addison
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” George Burns
“Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
“The pleasure which we most rarely experience gives us greatest delight.”Epictetus
“It’s been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.” L.M. Montgomery
“Happiness is acceptance.” Unknown
“The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does.” James M. Barrie
“We begin from the recognition that all beings cherish happiness and do not want suffering. It then becomes both morally wrong and pragmatically
unwise to pursue only one’s own happiness oblivious to the feelings and aspirations of all others who surround us as members of the same human family.
The wiser course is to think of others when pursuing our own happiness.” Dalai Lama
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot.
Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘I don’t have to run away and live in the street. I can run away and I can go the ocean, I can go
to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan.’
ANSWER: The Breakfast Club! Allison says this to Brian and Andy after she steals Brian’s wallet and dumps out the contents of her purse on the couch.
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What is the word that has 1 syllable, but when you add 1 letter to the end, it becomes 3 syllables?
ANSWER: The first word is ‘are’ then you add an “A” to the end and it becomes ‘area’.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I’m a ten-letter word, but when I am heard,
It is a surprise, but I’m half that size.
My first sound is found when half isn’t around.
When a pair is amiss, the other is called this.
The second has one where normally two form a pair.
You will get the nod if you look in a pod.
Together, my fifth and third hold music that is heard.
A pair you are seeking, alphabetically speaking.
And the fourth sound, it will be found
If you look where I send, in the middle of end.
What word am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org