Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


WELCOME to Friday, May 26, 2017.          

 Merged Books 101….
Merge-Matic Books: Combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable description of the merged book.
“Machiavelli’s The Little Prince” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s classic children’s tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed.
“Green Eggs and Hamlet” – Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.
“Where’s Walden?” – Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods.
“Catch-22 in the Rye” – Holden learns that if you’re insane, you’ll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you’re flunking out of prep school, you’re probably not insane.
“2001: A Space Iliad” – The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war against the
Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.
“Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi” – Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove Rudyard Kipling’s
theory that the mongoose first came to India on a raft from Polynesia.
“The Maltese Faulkner” – Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam’s struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil?
“Jane Eyre James” – Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead the Cavs to the NBA championship.
“Looking for Mr. Godot” – A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her life. She has a long wait.
“The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter” – An 18th-century English nobleman leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of post-Revolution France.
“Lorna Dune” – An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a giant worm jockey in order to impress her.
“The Silence of the Hams” – In this endearing update of the Seuss classic, young Sam-I-Am presses unconventional foodstuffs on his friend, Hannibal, who turns the tables.
“The Remains of the Day of the Jackal” – A formal English butler puts his loyalty to his
employer above all else, until he is persuaded to join a plot to assassinate Charles deGaulle.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Memorial Day weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. – Sam Snead
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. – George Brett
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. – Jim Murray
The only sure rule in golf is: he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. – Mickey Mantle
After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked
my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. – Chi Chi Rodriguez
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. – Brian Weis
Swing hard in case you hit it. – Dan Marino
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. – Lord Robertson
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. – Jack Benny




G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.
The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,
and give them a, “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking
the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off
except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?” 😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘I don’t gripe to you. I don’t gripe in front of you. You should know that.’
ANSWER: Saving Private Ryan! One of the best and most realistic films I’ve seen, which is ‘Saving Private Ryan’.
Captain Miller at one point says that he never gripes to those inferior to him, only to his superiors.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
  ‘Maybe I wanna be sterile.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
What is the next animal in this series:

Quail, Weasel, Emu, Racoon, -?-

Choose from:

ANSWER: Turkey! The series alternates between bird and mammal, but at the same time,

the animals begin with the letters from the top row of a QWERTY keyboard. Thus “T” is the next letter,
and the only bird in the list that begins with a “T” is “Turkey”.  Also, “Yak” would be next in the series after Turkey… extra points if you noticed!


Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
When Question Mark unlocked the door, he thought that he would see his wallet straight away. But Skid Mark
(Question’s brother) decided to put the wallet in a safe. The combination is three 2-digit numbers which can be expressed like this:
You are given the following clues to work out the combination:
The total of the three numbers is 39.
The second number is half of the third number.
The first number is the third number minus 1.
Can you find Question’s wallet in time? It’s all up to you.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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