Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday, June 12, 2017.                   
Thoughts from Dad….
Buy high quality tools, so you only have to buy them once.
Keep a change of clothes at the office.
Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat.
Every hat should serve a purpose.
Never take her to the movies on the first date.
Learn to wet shave.
Nothing looks more badass than a well-tailored suit.
Shave with the grain on the first go-around.
Never pass up the chance to pee.
Always look people in the eye when you talk with them.
Buy a plunger before you need a plunger
Brush your teeth before you put on your tie.
A small amount of every paycheck should go directly into your savings account.
Call Mom and Dad every week.
Never wear a clip-on tie.
Give a firm handshake.
Compliment her shoes.
Never leave a pint unfinished.
If you aren’t confident, fake it. It will come around.
You can tell the size of a man by the size of things that bother him.
Be conscious of your body language.
Never point a gun at someone unless you intend to shoot them.
Always stand to shake someone’s hand.
Never lend anything you can’t afford to lose.
Ask more than you answer. Everybody loves to talk about themselves.
Go for women out of your league. You may end up surprised.
Manliness is not only being able to take care of yourself, but others as well.
Go with the decision that will end up making a good story.
When you walk, look straight ahead (not at your feet).
Nice guys don’t finish last – boring guys do.
Choose your battles. Not everything is worth fighting over.
Find your passion and figure out how to get paid for it.
Don’t let the little head do the thinking for the big head.
No matter their job or status, everyone deserves your respect.
No matter how famous or popular they are, everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time.
The most important thing to learn is personal responsibility. Bad things happen; it’s your job to overcome them.
The first one to get angry loses.
A man does what needs to be done without complaining.
Never stop learning.
Always go out in public dressed like you’re about to meet the love of your life.
Don’t change yourself just to make someone happy.
If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.
Luck favors the prepared.
Women find confidence sexy as hell.
Do whatever you want to do, but be the best at it.
No one is on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at work.
AND that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Walmart is offering a new service where employees will deliver items to your house
on their way home from work. Not only that – they’ll also deliver the items in a Target
bag so your neighbors think youre classy.” -Jimmy Fallon
“According to The New York Times, one of the biggest doping scandals in the history of
track and field is coming to light. It involves Russian athletes in the sport of racewalking
– or as it’s known to the billions of people who do it every day, ‘hurrying up.'” -James Corden
“A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing
through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an
annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of
the leg is $5,000. The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary
was asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, “This situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table.
The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn’t it?”😎
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Miss Scarlet in the broom closet with the radio.   
ANSWER: Sleepless In Seattle! Annie’s fiance says this when he catches Annie
hiding in the closet listening to the radio show that featured Sam Baldwin. 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 ‘Do you take plastic?’ ‘Not unless it’s wrapped around a stack of cash.’
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
I am periodically the number 79. Long ago some attempted to make me from 29,
but learned it couldn’t be done. If you add me to 80 I appear to be 47 temporarily.
What am I?
ANSWER: Gold. Gold is represented by the number 79 on the Periodic table of elements.
Long ago alchemists tried to make gold from copper.(number 29) If you add
gold to mercury (number 80) it will appear to be silver for a time.

Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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