Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, July 14, 2017.                          
What my Grandfather told me……
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Profanity is the adjective of the feeble minded. – Gordon Lane
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit. – George Carlin
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
He who stops being better stops being good. – Oliver Cromwell
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy – Erica Jong
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. – Albert Einstein
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it! – Franklin Jones
A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits. – Richard Nixon
I’m paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror. – Richard Lewis
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
There was a knock on the door, and I answered it, but all that was there was a snail. I picked it up
and threw it into the street. Two weeks later, another knock on the door. I opened the door and
it was the snail again. The snail says, “What was that all about?” 😁
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”
ANSWER: Airplane! Starring Robert Hays (Ted), Julie Hagerty (Elaine), and
Leslie Nielson (Doctor Rumack). Elaine says this to the passengers.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“I don’t think you’re any fouer than anybody else.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
Find a rhyme for each word below so you end up with a familiar three-word phrase in the form “__, __, and __”.
Clue = “Cook, Wine, Drinker”
Answer = “Hook, Line, and Sinker”
1. Shop, Swap, Dole
2. Mop, Slip, Thump
3. Mud, Wet, Smears
4. Sock, Rock, Carol
5. Claim, Debt, Scratch
6. Steady, Filling, Label
7. Warning, Soon, Flight
ANSWER: 1) squirm, squire, squirt   2) brown, crown, drown   3) latter, litter, letter  4) white, whine, while
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
There are five people. One of them shot and killed one of the other five. Which man is the murderer?
1. Dan ran in the NY City marathon yesterday with one of the innocent men.
2. Mike considered being a farmer before he moved to the city.
3. Jeff is a topnotch computer consultant and wants to install Ben’s new computer next week.
4. The murderer had his leg amputated last month.
5. Ben met Jack for the first time six months ago.
6. Jack has been in seclusion since the crime.
7. Dan used to drink heavily.
8. Ben and Jeff built their last computers together.
9. The murderer is Jack’s brother. They grew up together in Seattle.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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