I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called  Information. She said, “Hello, Information.” I said, “I can’t find my  socks.” She said, “They’re behind the couch.” And they were!

Last week I bought a new phone. I took it out of the box, hooked it up  to the wall… Pressed redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown.

I got an answering machine for my phone. Now when I’m not home and  somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal. I like to  leave messages before the beep.

I don’t like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my  fish tank. I can’t hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish  go like this [[[]]][[]][[[[. I go down to the pet store — “Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday.”

I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and  went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter  in Spanish.

I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires  backwards. I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my  friend, he said, “Hey, these records are all blank.”

I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.