WELCOME to Monday April 8, 2018.
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
GEOGRAPHY
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, “Really? Where is Monosyllabia?”. Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, “Oh, you mean over by Croatia?”
ADVICE
An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: “Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.”
THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
COMPUTERS
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: “I’ve got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?”
EASY TO PLEASE
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
“Bed Bath & Beyond is currently offering store credit in exchange for Toys-R-Us gift cards. Said kids, ‘Umm… I guess I’ll take the whiskey decanter?'” -Seth Meyers
“A man in New Orleans could be facing a life sentence for stealing $31 worth of candy from a drug store. I feel for this guy. That has got to be a tough conversation once you’re in prison. ‘Yeah, I’m in for armed robbery and arson, what about you?’ ‘Oh, you know, the new peanut butter Twix.'” -James Corden
—————————————————————————————-
Ole said to Sven, “Haf you seen da perdy girls in dis catalog?”
Sven replied, “Ya. Dey sure are bootiful, an yust look at da prices!”
Ole looked wide eyed and said, “Yumpin’ yimminy. Dey ain’t very expensive. At dees prices I’m buyin’ me vun.”
Sven smiled, patted Ole on the back and said, “by golly Ole, if she’s as perdy as she looks in da catalog, I vill get vun too.”
Three weeks later Sven came by and asked Ole, “did ja ever git dat girl you ordered from da Sears Catalog?”
Ole replied, “no, but it von’t be long now, her clothes came yesterday!” 😐
————————————————————————-
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Oh I can guess baby.’
‘We play chess.’
‘I guessed wrong.’
ANSWER:The correct answer was Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!
————————————————————————-
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire
2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect
3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger
4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone
(Hidden animal) The hidden word is BEAR from “to BE A Ranger”. Now, try to identify the hidden colors in the sentences below:
I agree not to eat all the food.
Bob decided to jump in, knowing that this is his only choice.
The sunset makes Cairo seem magnificent.
Some states ship lumber and coal on canal barges.
ANSWER:
i aGREE Not to eat all the food.
Pink.
bob decided to jumP IN, Knowing that this is his only choice.
Rose.
the sunset makes caiRO SEem magnificent.
Plum.
Some states shiP LUMber and coal on canal barges.
1. Which arm on Icarus held this instrument?
2. Man wearing kepi a novice player.
3. Orpheus carefully replaced ancient instrument.
4. Educator Gandhi played Bach.
5. No car in Asia has instrument aboard.
6. Instrument played in Olympic colorful parade.
7. Cancel long concert for stringed instrument.
8. Urban joke played on instrument.
9. Angelic playing with arpeggios.
10. Absolutely beautiful playing of stringed instrument.
The World According to the Eucman! 