by eucman

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday April 19, 2018.

Laws………

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. (Or when you’re having a really bad hair day…)

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If  there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent  lockers. (In my case, this is known as “The Parking Lot Law” – I park  our new car as far away from the building entrance and other cars as I can. There are 35 vacant parking spaces between me and the nearest  vehicle. When I return to my car, I can’t even open the driver’s door  because of the banged-up old pickup parked snugly next to me – and there  are still 33 unoccupied parking spots all around us.)

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

“According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say that it’s  fine to cheat a little on your taxes. While the other 88 percent know  not to talk to a guy with a clipboard asking them if they cheat on their  taxes.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay your  taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now declare your earnings  from 2017 while eating a hot dog from 2005.” -Conan O’Brien

“The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a  refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird  thing to be happy about. That means you’ve been overpaying all year  long. It’s like if someone broke into your house and the police  recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, ‘Oh, presents.'”  -Jimmy Kimmel

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I’ve often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack-bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I’m a “real” pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field.

One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when
a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. “My sister would be so proud
of you!” she remarked. I figured her sister must be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why.    Replied the woman, “She’s a dentist.”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

 “I’m not even supposed the be here today!”

ANSWER:

Clerks! Great movie, the black and white, the dialogue and the characters were excellent.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!

“That kid is on the escalator again!”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone

Guess this prefix…

I change something weighing two thousand pounds into a small, light container.
I turn a food that is decaying into one that isn’t.
I turn a whole country into a small flower.
I change something alive into something flat and not alive.

ANSWER:  

The prefix is “CAR-“.

I change something weighing two thousand pounds into a small, light container.
CARton

I turn a food that is decaying into one that isn’t.
CARrot

I turn a whole country into a small flower.
CARnation

I change something alive into something flat and not alive.
CARpet

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What common phrase is represented below?

IGAR
CIGR
CGAR
CIGA
CIAR


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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