Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY OCTOBER 20, 2020

Simple Truths…
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going todo anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with MillerLite than Kay.😁

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY
TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here!  Eucman!  

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y   

“I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.”- Mark Twain

“Everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”- Leo Tolstoy

“I envy people who drink. At least they have something toblame everything on.”- Oscar Levant  

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Don Marquis

 Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Ronald Reagan

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant

G u a r a n t e e d   t o   R o l l  Y o u r   E y e s! A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!” The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?” “It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose it!” “Whattaya mean,” scoffs the golfer, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?” “No problem,” says the salesman. “It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.” “Well, what if you hit it into the woods?” “Easy,” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed.” “Okay,” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?” “No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!” The golfer buys it at once. “Just one question,” he says to the salesman. “Where did you get it?” “I found it.”😱😏😁😎   

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”    “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible: Jew, Gentile, black men, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that.

Answer:   Charlie Chaplin! ‘The Great Dictator’ was Chaplin’s first true “talkie” (although there had been some speech in ‘Modern Times’, often described as the last “silent” film). In it, he played a nameless Jewish barber who happened to bear an uncanny resemblance to Adenoid Hynkel, the dictator of Tomainia (also played by Chaplin). The movie is an attack on the regime of Hitler, with many of the characters and events only thinly disguised. Near the end, Hynkel and the Barber are mistaken for each other, and the Barber must assume leadership of his country, but immediately reverses his predecessor’s policies. The Hannah to whom this speech is addressed at its end was a neighbour in the ghetto, who is seen reacting with joy to the message she has received.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I’m gonna tell you something I’ve kept to myself for years. None of you ever knew George Gipp. It was long before your time. But you all know what a tradition he is at Notre Dame. And the last thing he said to me: ‘Rock,’ he said, ‘Sometime when the team is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell ’em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper’. ‘I don’t know where I’ll be then, Rock,’ he said, ‘but I’ll know about it and I’ll be happy.'”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​ A young boy went to a Catholic school. During school he started goofing around, so the teacher called him out and sent him to the Pastor. Since this was a traditional school the boy would be spanked, but the Pastor believed in giving people a chance. He said, “If you can ask me a question about something you learned and I don’t know the answer on the spot you will go free.”The boy may have been lazy, but he was very witty. He asked, “What is it that you can see and I can see, usually every day, but God cannot see.” The Pastor stood there, stumped. He couldn’t figure it out because he strongly believed that God sees and knows all, and that there is only one God. The boy smiled and told him. What was it?  
Answer:  His own equal! We see our equals every day, but since there is one God, he cannot see someone equal to himself. 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……. Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?
One night, Emperor Akbar dreamt that he had lost all his teeth, except one.The next morning he invited all the astrologers of his kingdom to interpret this dream. Birbal hadn’t come that morning to the court.
After a long discussion, the astrologers prophesized that all his relatives would die before him.
Akbar was very upset by this interpretation, and so sent away all the astrologers without any reward.Later that day, Birbal entered the court. Akbar related his dream and asked him to interpret it. After thinking for a while, Birbal gave a reply which pleased the emperor, so he rewarded Birbal handsomely.
What was Birbal’s reply?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:http://www.slampi.org, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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