WELCOME to MONDAY December 11. 2023
How to be politically correct with women
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE – She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK – She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY – She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED – She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She does not want to be MARRIED – She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT – She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY – She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE – She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS – She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME – She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She does not GO SHOPPING – She is MALL FLUENT.
She is not an AIR HEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY – She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
She is not COLD or FRIGID – She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP – She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not NAG YOU – She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE 😳😳😎
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“In the world of healthcare, the FDA has approved the first pill with a digital sensor
that signals doctors when patients have taken their medicine. The doctors say they
invented the pill to make sure that their patients are taking their medication. I still
think it would be more effective if they went with my plan of making all pills taste
like Cool Ranch Doritos.” -James Corden
“A Florida man is refusing to give up his ’emotional support squirrel’ even though his
condo association is threatening to evict him. Of course it’s stressful times like these
when the comforting embrace of a squirrel helps the most.” -Seth Meyers
“A federal court just ruled that sharing your Netflix password is now a federal crime.
So if you’ve been looking for a way to send your parents to prison,
here’s your chance.” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
New Summer Seminars for Women
The Auto Hood Release, What Is It And Why Is It There
Life Beyond Shoes
Money, The Non-Renewable Resource
How To Get 90 Minutes Out Of An Hour
Why Men Don’t Like Any Of Your Friends
How To Be A Victim Of Marketing
How To Get Out Of Bed Without Waking Up Your Man
Is There Really Enough Makeup In The World
How To Get The Most Out Of A Garbage Bag
Cigar Smoke And Its Benefits
Clocks And Time: The Mysterious Connection
Tupperware: Its Social And Environmental Drawbacks
Where To Look When Your Auto Is In Reverse
Learning When Not To Talk, And Then Not Talking
How To Avoid Turning Into Your Mother
Quality Time: When You And Your Husband Should Spend Time Apart
Beyond The Front Page: Exploring The Daily Newspaper
How To Accept Criticism or When To Give Up On Cooking
Telltales Sounds Associated With Auto Collisions
Toilet Paper And The Loss Of The Rain Forests: The Vital Connection
When Ignorance Can Be A Blessing: Household Finances And You
How To Keep ‘Em Guessing, or: 101 Ways To Fold A Towel
Talking And Driving: There’s Got To Be A Way 😳😳😎
Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Will you forget the head slicin’ thing?
Answer: Hercules!
This quote is from the Disney animated film “Hercules” and is heard during
the battle between Hercules and the Hydra, a creature with the ability to re-grow its heads.
Phil says this to Hercules in an effort to discourage him from cutting off Hydra’s heads.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could re-grow our body parts like that?
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“This time I’LL collect the money and YOU can die.”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
If you throw me from the window,
I will leave a grieving wife.
Bring me back, but in the door, and
You’ll see someone giving life!
What am I?
ANSWER: The letter ‘n’.
wiNdow – widow
door – doNor
Monday’s Quizzler is….
A palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same, if it’s turned back-to-front.
The names Bob, Eve, and Otto are all palindromes. So is the name of the pop group
Abba. Try to identify palindromic words from the following clues. Good luck!
Example: Part of the body
Answer: Eye
- Midday
- A young dog
- Flat
- Word for addressing a lady
- An Eskimo canoe
- A system for detecting aircraft, ships, etc.
- An action
- Pieces of music for one person
- Grass that grows on the seashore
- In music, half a semibreve
- Doctrine
- Restorer
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.
The World According to the Eucman! 