WELC0ME to THURSDAY MAY 2. 2024

Marriage Definitions

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.

HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Starting today, all the Democratic presidential candidates are visiting the Iowa State
Fair. This is that very stupid time in American politics when the presidential hopefuls
have to impress Iowans by posing next to a farm animal sculpted out of butter.” Jimmy Kimmel

“A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents would be mad at him for
flunking English. So he tried to fake his own kidnapping. The parents figured it out
when the ransom note said, ‘We has your son.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Thanks to our trade war with China, stocks have been up and down, and I saw that
Apple lost almost $50 billion. Then every customer with a missing AirPod was like,
‘Sucks losing something, doesn’t it?'” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and
I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there,
we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware.
As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked
if we had anything of value to report. “Not really,” Maureen replied, digging in
her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze
as she continued, “I only bought a little pot.” 😳😳😳

Wednesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this about???
Professor and archaeologist Indiana Jones must search for his father, a scholar and
expert on the Holy Grail who has been abducted.

Answer: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade!
When his father, Holy Grail expert Henry Jones, goes missing in the Middle East, Indiana Jones sets off to find him. Using his father’s diary, Indy pieces together clues to lead him to the Grail, but his old foes, the Nazis, plot to get the grail first and use it’s power for evil.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this about???
An American soldier witnesses his comrades rape and murder a girl
during the Vietnam War and turns them in to face justice.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​
Some people’s names (such as “Will Power”) suggest a certain personality or career choice. Given below are some last names and professions (in no particular order). For each last name, your task is to think of a common first name, such that it suggests one of the given professions. Each last name and profession must be used just once.
Example: Sonny Day would suggest a meteorologist.

Last Names: Burr, Lee, Oakey, Poole, Schauer, Shaw
Professions: Biologist, Cabdriver, Farmer, Lumberjack, Meteorologist, Singer

The hint provides the first names.

ANSWER: Brock Lee – Farmer (broccoli)
Gene Poole – Biologist (gene pool)
April Schauer – Meteorologist (April shower)
Rick Shaw – Cabdriver (rickshaw)
Tim Burr – Lumberjack (timber)
Carrie Oakey – Singer (karaoke)

Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
What phrase does this represent?

Completely and Utterly Lost…

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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