WELC0ME to WEDNESDAY MAY 15. 2024

Favorite Police Emergency Calls:

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn…I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn….
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A five-year-old girl who ran a lemonade stand in London was fined $195
for not having the proper trading permit. See, this is why I make my kids
open their lemonade stands offshore on the Cayman Islands.” -James Corden

“According to Vanity Fair, the Queen of England has four alcoholic beverages
every day, including a glass of champagne before bed. Champagne before bed?
Who does she think she is, herself?” -Seth Meyers

“A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because
of his eyes, nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most
handsome face because of his face.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A Swiss guy in New York is looking for directions, so he pulls
up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?” No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to
the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”
“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”

Tuesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this about???
This movie is about an upscale country club with a scheming president.

Answer: Caddyshack!
“Caddyshack” was Harold Ramis’ directorial debut. ESPN has said “Caddyshack” is “perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made”. In 1988 Chevy Chase reprised his role as Ty Webb. “Caddyshack” is about an upscale country club with a scheming president. Danny is trying to earn enough money for college and is a caddy for Ty. Judge Smails sees a gopher damaging the golf course and tries to kill it.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this about???
This movie is a parody of the movie “Zero Hour”.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
This is another of my rhyming word ladders. Most people will have
to work forwards and backwards to get all ten words.

---

The old adage says to do this again.
Add one, make a city of fame way back when.

OY becomes IP and you’ll have a nice fall.
Change I to A and you’ll catch it all.

Insert an M: make an invention of Chaplin.
Change T to C and with pain you’ll be grapplin’.

Replace second with H: a winner for sure!
Lose second to last: you’ll want balm for a cure.

Drop the H to make something to go on your head.
Change one and an adage will leave this thing dead.

ANSWER: TRY: From the adage “If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
TROY: The Greek city which was the site of the Trojan War.

TRIP: and fall.
TRAP: to catch it all.

TRAMP: Charlie Chaplin’s famous character was the tramp.
CRAMP: can be very painful.

CHAMP: a winner!
CHAP: Chapped lips or hands can be cured with a balm

CAP: goes on your head.
CAT: is left dead in the adage “Curiosity killed the cat.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​😎😎
Can you identify the following songs and their artists?

1) Refrain from halting, the first person, immediately.
by Female monarch.

2) Multiple timepieces.
by Low temperature, stage production.

3) Unbleached, natural sweetener.
by Perpetual motion of small rock.

4) Sugary infant, belonging to me.
by Firearms & thorny plants.

5) Refrain from remaining, on your feet, near myself.
by Poisoned insect injection.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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