WELCOME to MONDAY AUGUST 12, 2024
Gifts For Him
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his
car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or
something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts
for their cars. No one knows why.
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with
the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two
words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By-the-
way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” No one
knows why.
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter
if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he
has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many
cordless drills. Again, no one knows why.
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear
bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they
have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a
big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch
him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it
will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey
or beer.
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave
or deodorant. I’m told they do not stink – they are earthy.
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.”
You get the idea. No one knows why.
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required”
on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always
have parts left over.
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works,
Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and
Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears’ Clearance
Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter
if he doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto,eh? Must be
something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford
Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound pro-
pane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The
challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”
Tickets to a Patriots game are a smart gift. However, he
will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th
Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why.
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain-
saw. If you don’t know why – please refer to Rule #8 and
what happens when he gets a label maker.
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It
must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins,
or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred
feet of 3/8″ manilla rope. No one knows why.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY MONDAY!, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Last week, the temperature was in the 20s and yesterday it
got up to 59 degrees. It’s crazy, I keep having to change my
outfit and my position on global warming.” -Jimmy Fallon
“It was on this day that Julius Caesar was stabbed in the
back by members of the senate, ironically, while pleading
for healthcare.” -Jay Leno
“Daylight Savings begins on Sunday, which means we lose an
hour. But if you watch this show, you’re used to it.”
-Craig Ferguson
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my
dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition.
The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test
drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car
broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck.
When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the
driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me
with a smile and said, “Well, now, what is it going to take
to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?”😳😳
Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this about???
Musician playing Feyd-Rautha, nephew to Baron Harkonnen.
Answer: “Dune”.
Known as Sting, Gordon Sumner was lead singer and songwriter for music band the Police until their break-up in 1986. As Feyd in this 1984 film version of the book, he plays a cruel and treacherous person, featuring heavily in Baron Harkonnen’s plans and a foil to the main protagonist Paul Atreides. Sting did not contribute to the music soundtracks.
Monday’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this???
Bodybuilder actor.
Friday’s Quizzler is….
Each of the following clues refers to a word that begins with “ten”. Can you guess all ten of them?
- Inclination
- Delicate or gentle
- A sinew
- A racket game
- Capable of being stretched
- Between the bass and alto
- Stretched tight
- Unsubstantial
- A dwelling
- An opinion held to be true.
Answer: 1. Tendency
- Tender
- Tendon
- Tennis
- Tensile
- Tenor
- Tense
- Tenuous
- Tenement or Tent
- Tenet
Monday’s Quizzler is….😎😎
Two men working at a construction site were up for a challenge, and they were pretty mad at each other. Finally, at lunch break, they confronted one another. One man, obviously stronger, said “See that wheelbarrow? I’m willin’ to bet $100 (that’s all I have in my wallet here) that you can’t wheel something to that cone and back that I can’t do twice as far. Do we have a bet?”
The other man, too dignified to decline, shook his hand, but he had a plan formulating. He looked at the objects lying around: a pile of 400 bricks, a steel beam, the 10 men that had gathered around to watch, his pickup truck, a stack of ten bags of concrete mix, and then he finalized his plan.
“All right,” he said, and revealed his object.
That night, the strong man went home thoroughly teased and $100 poorer. What did the other man choose?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. 😳😳
The World According to the Eucman! 