WELCOME to TUESDAY JUNE 10, 2025
Holiday Eating Tips
- Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the
Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls. - Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer
than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000
calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it.
Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas! - If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on.
Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. - As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass.
Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. - Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going
to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello? - Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when
you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. - If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and
size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center
of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again. - Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples
and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? - Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid
it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. - One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table,
you haven’t been paying attention.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me, “What do you do at a red light?”
I said, “I don’t know, look around, listen to the radio” –Bill Braudis
“I filled out a rental application that asked, ‘Do you own any liquid-filled furniture?’
Couldn’t they just have said ‘waterbed’? How many other forms of liquid-filled furniture
are there? ‘Yeah, I have a beer couch, will that be a problem?'” –Lisa Goich
“The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in
reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is
absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.” –P. J. O’Rourke
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed their old home.
That December, when they went to pick up their first-grade son from school,
his teacher told them about a conversation she overheard.
One boy said, “We’re Catholic, and we are going to Christmas Mass.”
“Were Jewish,” said another child. “And we’re going to have a Hanukkah celebration.
“Madison chimed in, “We’re Texans, and were going to have a barbecue.”
Monday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day!
In which movie did Michael Caine utter the famous line, “You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off”?
Answer: The Italian Job!
The film, ‘The Italian Job’, was released in 1969 and directed by Peter Collinson. Michael Caine played the part of Charlie Croker and British comedian, Benny Hill, played the part of Professor Simon Peach. Benny Hill also starred as the toymaker in the 1968 film, ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’.
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day!
Which hero have Errol Flynn, Kevin Costner, Patrick Bergin and Daffy Duck all portrayed, on either the big or small screen?
Monday’s Quizzler is….
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have the initial sounds switched to form new words. For example, “churning bear” is a spoonerism for “burning chair” (note that the pairs do not have to be spelled the same – only sound the same). From the definitions below, can you figure out the spoonerism pairs?
- Thumper’s cellphone…mis-named nerve.
- Where to buy a mallard…jammed portal.
- Grizzly relative…two pin-lovers.
- Sad iguana…Merlin slam-dunking.
- Wasp accelerates…Half a six-pack.
ANSWER: 1. Bunny phone…funny bone.
- Duck store…stuck door.
- Polar bear…bowler pair.
- Weeping lizard…leaping wizard.
- Bee throttles…three bottles.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….😎😎
You are driving on a road when suddenly lightning strikes right in front of you. When you can see again, there are three doors to the side of the car. One has 5 million dollars behind it, one has fame (when you walk through it you will become famous instantly), and the last one has your dream vacation place. Which door do you go through first?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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