Welcome,to Monday June 18th.  How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale……

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner… as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight.

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don’t forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off…to your advantage.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

7. Don’t eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you’ve weighed in, completely naked, of course.

8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).

10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you’d stepped on normally.  Hey I’m just saying! Have a Great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y  

“There are a lot of differences between basketball and soccer. For instance, in basketball, something happens.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Police in New York are looking for a woman known as the ‘Botox Bandit.’ She has been passing bad checks in order to get spa treatments. She probably won’t be surprised when they catch her, but she will look surprised.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The U.S. has found over a trillion dollars of untapped mineral deposits in Afghanistan. The great part is, the country comes pre-invaded.” – Jay Leno 

“I have particularly vivid memories of Iowa summers because my father was the last person in the Midwest to buy an air conditioner. He thought they were unnatural. He thought anything that cost more than $30 was unnatural.” –Bill Bryson from “I’m a Stranger Here Myself” 
 
“At the gym, a guy asked me to “spot” for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean? “Spotting” for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It’s an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you’re going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.” –Dave Barry 
 
“I worry about my health because I grew up on the tail end of the baby boom generation, and we were just pumped full of chemicals. Every time they came up with a new one, it was like, ‘Put it on cereal, keep it crunchy. Hey, put out the light, my teeth are glowing!’ Now my whole generation is eating tree bark to clean ourselves out.” –Jack Coen  
  
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes 
As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant? The defense attorney took a different approach, however. “I see you are a teacher,” he said. “What do you teach?” “English and theater,” I responded. “I guess I better watch my grammar,” the defense attorney quipped. “No,” I shot back. “You better watch your acting.” When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “Oh, here’s a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!”  

Answer: EuroTrip! “EuroTrip”(2004) is about a recent high school graduate who goes to Europe with his friends to meet his pen pal. Cooper said this quote while reading the Frommer’s travel guide. He was looking for an excuse to make fun of Jamie, who had accidentally made out with his twin sister Jenny after they drank absinthe. While I wouldn’t say “EuroTrip” is a fantastic movie by any means, it does have some pretty funny lines. I had a hard time choosing between including this quote, or Cooper’s get-out-of-trouble line: “This isn’t where I parked my car!”   

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “So that’s it then? That’s the secret grand adventure… You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum?” _____________________________________________________________________________________Friday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Shawty had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur”

ANSWER: Low! “Low” by Flo Rida featuring T-Pain started low on the charts when it debuted at number 91 at the end of 2007. It hit number one on January 5th, 2008 and spent ten straight weeks in the penthouse. During its forty week run in the Hot 100, the song remained in the top ten for 23 weeks and in the top forty for 34 weeks. As the first song from Flo Rida’s debut album “Mail On Sunday”, “Low” became a worldwide hit reaching the top in Australia, Ireland, Canada and New Zealand. As of 2009, “Low” is the best selling digitally-downloaded song of all time, having been downloaded nearly five million times.

Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2007 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “For some reason I can’t explain, I know St. Peter won’t call my name”

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Friday’s Quizzler is..  

Below are anagrams of some musical instruments popular in a particular style of music. Your task is to discover what these instruments are and the style of music. I have placed the number of letters in brackets if there are two words. Good luck.

Term put
Clear tin
Bent room
Air tug
O! A pin
A U.S. bobsled (6, 4)
A drab show     

Answer: Trumpet, Clarinet, Trombone, Guitar, Piano, Double Bass, Washboard
The style of music is traditional jazz.     

Monday’s Quizzler is…  

What is so incredible about the sentence below?

A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed, houghed, and hiccoughed. 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. CARRIE PALOMBO AND SWEETJAZZ5! AMAZING WORK LADIES!  

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Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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