Welcome, ‏to Tuesday September 28, 2010.   Future Novelists… These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays……

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.   

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a really duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.  
 
Hey I’m just saying! Have an easy Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     

q u o t e s  o f   t h e   d a y 

“The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your
pilot. Like anyone goes, ‘Oh, he’s good. I like his work.'”
–David Spade 
 
“Correspondence schools are full of it. I saw an ad where
they claimed they could teach you veterinarian medicine
thought the mail. Hate to be a dog in that house. “Mail’s
here!” “Yip, yip, yip!” Talk about being a regular in the
pet store, “Hey, didn’t I already sell you a puppy?”
–Drew Carey 
 
“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning
experience.” Then again, I like to think of anything stupid
I’ve done as a “learning experience.” It makes me feel less
stupid.” –P. J. O’Rourke 
 
“Cab drivers are now illegally overcharging you for made-up
charges. I was in a cab today and I was charged $11 for
shipping and handling.” -David Letterman
 
“Apparently the recession ended last June. So for those of
you that are still broke and without a job, it’s all in
your head.” -Jay Leno
 
“‘Sesame Street’ announced that it’s pulling a music video
featuring Elmo and Katy Perry because her outfit was too
revealing, even though those Muppets are running around
naked all the time.” -Jimmy Kimmel 
     

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular.  “When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I’d get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans… all for a dollar!!” Then Grandpa said sadly, “You can’t DO that anymore…..
they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look.”    

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “We’re going to give you a fair trial, followed by a first-class hangin'”

Answer: Silverado! This 80’s gem resurrected the classic Western in Hollywood. Four men team up to save the town of Silverado from the corrupt Sheriff and his deputies.
The corrupt Sherriff Cobb (Brian Dennehy) explains to Mal (Danny Glover) that he’s going to be killed as Mal is being beaten in town by the deputies. Cobb tries to coerce Mal by saying he’ll let him go…all he has to do is give up Emmitt’s (Scott Glenn) hide out. “Silverado” has a great ensemble cast, and also stars Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner, Linda Hunt, John Cleese, and Rosanna Arquette.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “That’s no moon, it’s a space station.” and “Will somebody please get this big, walking carpet out of my way.”

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Always be talking that country slang we like”?  

ANSWER: “Soldier”-Destiny’s Child! Destiny’s Child came out with a CD in 2004. It is called “Destiny Fulfilled”. 

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Hope that ‘cha fine, wanna know what you got in mind.

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Monday’s Quizzler is..  

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example: Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify   Answer: E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. Pliant _ _ _ _ _ E / _ _ _ _ _ Y Stash

2. Inundate _ _ _ _ G _ / _ _ _ _ X _ Elegant

3. Expenditure P _ _ _ _ _ / L _ _ _ _ _ Spread

4. Chevron _ _ _ _ P _ / _ _ _ _ K _ Hit

 ANSWER:  1. Supple Supply, 2. Deluge Deluxe, 3. Payout Layout, 4. Stripe Strike
   

 Tuesday’s Quizzler is… 

 In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. Confuse R _ _ _ _ _ / C _ _ _ _ _ Bovines

2. Invent _ _ _ _ T _ / _ _ _ _ S _ Furrow

3. Endured _ A _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ Tilted

4. Joking _ _ N _ _ _ / _ _ R _ _ _ Bargain

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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