Welcome, ‏to Thursday November 11, 2010.  Bloopers in the church…..
 
The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. 

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”

Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice. 

The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Today’s Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir. 

On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.

Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.

The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11. 

I’m just saying! Have a great Thursday folks, whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!         
 

Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y !  

 Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Don Marquis 

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. Ronald Reagan 

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant 

Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.  Brooke Shields 

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. W. C. Fields 

Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs. Alfred Hitchcock

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.  Fred Allen  

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!” The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?” “It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose it!” “Whattaya mean,” scoffs the golfer, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?” “No problem,” says the salesman. “It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.” “Well, what if you hit it into the woods?” “Easy,” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed.” “Okay,” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?” “No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!” The golfer buys it at once. “Just one question,” he says to the salesman. “Where did you get it?” “I found it.”  

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘Mom…I find it amusing that you refer to the ‘Weekly World News’ as ‘the paper’.’ 

Answer: So I Married an Axe Murderer! Charlie Mackenzie (Mike Myers) gently ridicules his mother (Brenda Fricker) for her love of tabloids. 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘Do you really believe that there’s some sort of built-up, unresolved tension between us? There is no ‘us’. ‘We’ don’t exist.’

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2007, try and identify which song or which artist.” “I’m Miss ‘Bad Media Karma’. Another day, another drama. Guess I can’t see the harm in working and being a mama,”  

ANSWER: “Piece Of Me”- Britney Spears! Britney Spears was born on December 2, 1981. “Piece Of Me” is off “Blackout” which is her first album release since 2003.   

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2007 try and identify which song or which artist.” “It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose, where ever it goes I always know that you make me smile.”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..  

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) ales in Madrid & to refuse javelins
2) sluggish crawl & insane jump
3) very warm poodle & selfish hoarder of specks
4) large cetacean & bundle of toupees

ANSWER: 1) Spanish beers & banish spears, 2) lazy creep & crazy leap, 3) hot dog & dot hog, 4) big whale & wig bale

Thursday’s Quizzler is… 

Can you find the word within a word for each set of clues listed below? The dashes beside each clue tell you how many letters are in the word you are to find. (ex. A young lion…in skin diving gear = ScubA)

1. A snooze…in a hiking bag: __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
2. An armed conflict…in one who lacks courage: __ __ __ __ __ __
3. A line of seats…in a king’s headdress:__ __ __ __ __
4. A brooch…in a statement of belief:__ __ __ __ __ __ __
5. A math term…in a fireman’s climbing apparatus:__ __ __ __ __ __  

 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB ANDREA!

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