WELCOME to Friday, December 24, 2010. Gift-wrapping Tips for Men….

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it’s myrrh.

* The editors of Woman’s Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.

* If you’re giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning

Your wife: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?

You: It’s a gift! See? It has a bow!

Your wife: (peering into the trash bag) It’s a leaf blower.

You: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!

Your wife: I want a divorce.

You: I also got you some myrrh.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great CHRISTMAS WEEKEND and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here!

q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

“Ninety-nine percent of the eggnog purchased all year is
purchased during the week before Christmas. And 99 percent
of that eggnog is poured down the drain during the week
after Christmas.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“There’s only a few days left to finish your Christmas
shopping. Or as most guys look at it, ‘There’s still a few
days left to start my Christmas shopping.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Here’s a fun fact: You know how much Christmas wrapping
paper is on the average roll? Four inches less than you
need.” -Jay Leno

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes.

Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was “just up ahead.” One year I snapped. “Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn’t exist. It’s like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if you can find one that isn’t dead, doesn’t have too many bald spots and is straight.”
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? ‘If I find out you’re lyin’ to me, I’m gonna come back and kill you in your own kitchen.’

Answer: Above the Law! Nico Toscani (Steven Seagal) uses this threat on a small-time Chicago crimelord.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘Of course you’re confused — you’re wearing my underwear.’
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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick”

Answer: I Kissed A Girl! “I Kissed A Girl” had a meteoric life on the Billboard Hot 100. After debuting at number 76, the song reached number one in its seventh week on June 29th, 2008. It reigned supreme most of the summer and wound up in the top ten for 14 weeks and on the Hot 100 for a total of 23 weeks. The catchy tune lit up the charts in Europe where it hit number one all over including Sweden, Italy, Germany, the Netherlands and the United Kingdom, just to name a few. It was the first single from Katy Perry’s album “One For The Boys” and it was certified as a platinum-selling single in the United States, Australia and New Zealand and went gold in the U.K.

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008 try and identify which song or which artist.”
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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

Given below are five pairs of words. Each pair sounds similar, but have different meanings (they are homonyms). Can you find them?

Lift high – Bring down, destroy
Plant with ears – Labyrinth
Burial/Cremation formalities – Uses a pen and paper and forms legible words
To communicate with God – Carnivore’s target
Watery part of milk that separates when milk turns to curds – The route or the course traveled from one place to another

ANSWER:
Raise – Raze
Maize – Maze
Rites – Writes
Pray – Prey
Whey – Way

Friday’s Quizzler is…  

Can you find 13 animals in this rather curious poem?

A person, as simple we are.
Catch the kid o’er the bridge.
Follow the chief, oxtail soup we like.
Anagram ANPI gives us PAIN, cower under a ridge.

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WAY2GO BANKS!

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/